Review of "Colors of You" by Damien Benoit-Ledoux

Score: 91/100 (9.1 out of 10)

Colors of You is a very interesting and ambitious LGBTQ+ novel by Damien Benoit-Ledoux! It explores themes like religious and institutional bigotry, acceptance, tolerance, inclusivity, and being your genuine self.

Colors of You follows two boys at Benedictine, a conservative Catholic high school: Ethan St. Hilare, an artsy gay sophomore who has just come out over winter break on the social app Profile, and Samanthan "Sam" Sanders, a popular soccer player with a tight circle of "Sportsball Folk" friends and a father who is battling cancer. Ethan has a loving, accepting family, including his older brother Ian and fierce sister Annabelle, but he feels hypervisible and vulnerable at school after his online coming out.

Sam, by contrast, is the golden boy who looks like he has everything together but is quietly drowning. His dad is getting weaker from chemotherapy and needs help with basic care. In one of the early gut punch scenes, Sam has to get into the shower with him to help his mom bathe him, and he sees how much the treatment has hollowed his once strong father out. Sam is also figuring out his sexuality, dating Tina halfheartedly while noticing Ethan more than he wants to admit.

Something that stood out to us about this book is that it explores this theme—this dichotomy—of openness versus concealment. There are times when characters want to keep their attractions and relationships a secret. There are times when they don't want to hold hands or kiss in public, or admit that they're actually together.

The book keeps putting that tension under a microscope. Being out on Profile is not the same as being out in the hallway between third and fourth period. Being honest in a text message is not the same as looking someone in the eye in the cafeteria when everyone is watching. The story keeps asking: is this love something you hide in the shadows, or something you bring into the light

We really see that in the contrast between Ethan's secret, shame soaked library encounters with Chiran and his growing, genuine relationship with Sam. With Chiran, Ethan is constantly shrinking himself, agreeing to be invisible so that this other boy can feel safe. It is thrilling and damaging at the same time. With Sam, there is still fear, but there is also mutual care. Their connection is built on long conversations, shared laughs at Java Grind, late night texts, and the kind of honest vulnerability that only comes when someone actually shows up for you in your worst moments. Watching Ethan slowly decide he is done being someone's secret and deserves to be someone's partner is one of the most satisfying parts of the book.

Sam's side of the story is equally fascinating. On the surface he is the easygoing soccer star who dates the "right" girl and fits neatly into the school ecosystem. Inside he is exhausted, terrified of losing his father, and carrying the emotional weight of caregiving that is usually reserved for adults. Those scenes of him helping his dad shower, listening to the machines in the hospital room, and then sitting through the wake and funeral bring a very real, grounded layer of grief and responsibility into what could have been a lighter high school romance. It is also in that crucible of loss that he finally chooses authenticity over performance. The conversation with his dad about not wasting time hiding who you are echoes all the way into his later decision to stand up in front of the Inclusivity Club and own who he is.

The setting at Benedictine is another thing the book does quite well. Instead of making the Catholic school a cartoon villain, it shows a whole ecosystem: homophobic classmates and angry parents on one side, and on the other side teachers, nuns, and staff who are quietly and sometimes loudly on the kids' side. The Inclusivity Club, technically open to everyone but clearly designed as a safe space for queer students and allies, becomes the center of a small Rainbow Rebellion. The scenes around the locker vandalism, the club's first meeting, and the tense parent gathering give readers a good sense of what it actually looks like to push for change inside a conservative institution, step by fragile step.

There are several things about this book that bothered us. First of all, there were times when the LGBTQ+ advocacy and pride aspect was super over the top. There were times when they overshowed other aspects of the book and started to verge on ok, maybe we're pushing a bit much and going off the rails. Like, there's a scene in which not one but TWO of the bullies ends up being gay. What are the odds? Seriously? There's a scene in which a parent in the big meeting reveals that their child is gay in one of the book's biggest "AHA!" moments. About 2% of the US population identifies as gay, but it almost seems like half the characters in this book are either outwardly or secretively gay. How many gay friends and family members do you have? Cause we have like three that we know of in our community in three separate households (and they're great guys—love the heck out of 'em). This book would have you believe that a huge portion of the population is in the closet. It just doesn't seem realistic in that regard. You can argue that the 2% figure reflects those who are admittedly gay and that a lot of people hide their sexuality out of shame or fear of retribution, which is plausible. But we still feel the statistical representation is overblown and exaggerated in the context of this book, to the point where it seems forced and unrealistic.

The key scene that got under our skins is the funeral scene in the conservative church. What bothered us about this scene is that the character in question went out of his way to wear a rainbow tie during the funeral in this conservative church. Wait a minute? Isn't the funeral supposed to be about the deceased person and not about YOU, your identity, your sexuality, and your values? We get that the deceased person came to an epiphany of acceptance of the character and stuff, but... that doesn't change the fact that the funeral should be drawing attention to the person who died, not away toward something like someone else's sexuality.

Think about it: do you wear a bright pink or orange suit to someone's funeral? If you're a bridesmaid or female guest, do you wear white to some other woman's wedding? Do you go to a book group called "Non-Fiction Book Group" and start posting a bunch of sci-fi and fantasy books there?

Well, that's how we felt about this character deciding to flaunt a symbol of their sexuality at someone else's funeral. Like, it's just not the time or the place.

We get that the eulogy is about "Living Authentically" but... how far are you gonna take that? You can't show up naked at a funeral either. That's arguably as authentic as you can get.

Furthermore, why would you go out of your way to disrespect a church that made it explicitly clear that it has a certain set of beliefs and way of dressing and doing things. Yeah, those beliefs may not be compatible with you, but why would you go out of your way to antagonize them? That's like if you brought roast beef and smoked turkey to a party full of vegans knowing that it was going to be a vegan party, or if you brought a statue of Vishnu into a Muslim mosque or a Jewish synagogue. That's like wearing a Star Trek costume to a Star Wars party or dressing up in an Michigan uniform and crashing a Ohio State party. Like, you can have your beliefs, your lifestyle—the things that you like, love, and support—that's perfectly fine. But have some regard and respect for the beliefs and values of others who may be different from you. Respect is a two-way street. It often seems like the characters are going out of their way to push the issue on people they know have already made up their minds. It's like they go out of their way to be as inconsiderate, aggressive, and forceful as possible about their message.

The best real-life comparative example we can think of is the Masterpiece Cakeshop v. Colorado Civil Rights Commission case in which a baker was sued by a gay couple for refusing to bake them a cake based on his religious beliefs, and the US Supreme Court ruled in the baker's favor. Why? Because it was within his rights not to be forced to go against his religious beliefs just to accommodate the demands of the customer.

By the way, did you know that there was an almost identical case in Northern Ireland (Lee v Ashers Baking Company Ltd and others), but in this case, the details of the cake were more explicit: a cake that very clearly celebrates, promotes, and advocates for gay marriage, which would be put on a conservative Christian baker to create. The Supreme Court of the United Kingdom ruled in favor of the baker in that case too. You can't force a private citizen to support or believe something they don't support or believe in. You definitely can't force an artist to produce art that goes against their beliefs and values. We have freedom of thought in a free society. And you know what? It's a good marketing and business opportunity for LGBTQ+ advocates and allies to create LGBTQ+-friendly businesses like LGBTQ+-friendly bakeries and private schools. If you don't like a conservative Catholic private school being a conservative Catholic private school, then go to a secular or LGBTQ+-friendly school.

Some of the things in this book kinda reminded us of these cases.

For example, why do the boys insist on staying at this very specific Catholic private school that marginalizes them? No one is forcing these two characters to attend this very specific Catholic private school. In fact, there's a transgender character in here (Calico) who clearly finds freedom, acceptance, and happiness at their secular public school. But instead of going to a secular public school, the characters make it their mission to go out of their way to try to get this whole Catholic school to change its views and accept queer people. It's an admirable cause, and it makes for a good, inspiring story, but we have some apprehensions about how, where, and when they go about this.

Ethan just straight up wears a rainbow backpack to his conservative Catholic school near the very beginning of the book. Like, they clearly have uniforms and a dress code at a conservative Catholic private school. What did you think was going to happen? If one of us signed up for a Catholic private school and wore a tank top or a Speedo, we'd get written up or told to go home and change. If we got employed at Walmart but refused to wear the Walmart uniform and instead wanted to wear an American flag, we'd be reprimanded. If you made the Venezuelan professional soccer team but refused to wear the Venezuelan uniform and instead wanted to wear Argentina's, you'd be kicked off the team and/or booed by the fans. Do you go to a Muslim or Jewish house and start cooking pork chops or roasting a pig? Do you go to a Hindu person's house and just start frying steaks and trying to force them to eat hamburgers?

In certain situations, you wear certain things. In certain situations, you do certain things. You might not like it, and the host might be wrong as hell, but they're still the host, and they still have the right to think and believe what they think and believe. It's not your place to go to someone else's house and be like, "You will do what I want and follow my rules now." They have the right to have rules in their house to follow. If you don't like it, then that's not the house for you. If this were a public school or a public institution, the situation would be a lot different, and we might have different feelings about the matter.

And about this situation with the characters staying at the Benedictine school instead of joining Calico at a secular public school, think of it like this: if you were in an abusive household where you are beaten, bullied, and neglected every day, then were given an opportunity to go to another household where you would clearly be loved and accepted, why would you go back to the abusive household and try to get everyone there to change? That would be... not smart. Not smart at all. It would be courageous and brave, yes, but not smart at all.

Then again, you could argue, history is made by the bold and people who did courageous yet probably not safe things. It's not like what Harriet Tubman did was the safest thing to do at the time, but it ended up being the right thing.

Anyway, there were aspects of this book that we liked. We liked that this book puts forward the idea that LGBTQ+ people don't all fit a mold and are as diverse, different, unique, and special as straight, heteronormative, and cis people are. LGBTQ+ people can be sci-fi nerds, athletes, and more!

We also admired the text messaging gimmick because it was a bit outside-the-box and different. We do have another book in this contest that also uses a text messaging gimmick (Jonnie Fazoolie &
the Transfinite Reality Engine), but it's still interesting to see.

There are also a few supporting characters in here who are cool. Tina is cool. She goes from being briefly part of a love triangle to being a huge supporter and advocate of the main protagonists and their mission. And, of course, there's Sam's dad who is battling cancer and is undergoing a huge character arc throughout the book. Oh, and there are a few members of the Benedictine faculty and staff who stand up against the bigotry like Sister Cornelius, Mr. Hund, and Brother Mathias, demonstrating that there are people who care.

Check it out on Amazon!