Review of “Ironborn” by Andrew Cavanagh

Score: 94+/100 (9.4+ out of 10)

Ironborn by Andrew Cavanagh is the thrilling, adventure-filled tale of an impoverished yet clever disabled boy, Crutch, as he finds himself in the middle of a violent conflict between the villainous Estonian Empire and his home of Ironbay, an island kingdom, which the Estonians have besieged en route to conquering it.

Estonia is under the rule of an expansionist, exploitative tyrant named Emperor Igor Solokov.

Due to the conflict, siege, and general socio-political climate of the time period (implied to be around the early 18th century), Ironbay and its seafaring/maritime industry has become a cesspool of poverty, food shortages, and a lack of basic amenities.

Near the beginning of the book, there is a burial at sea in which there aren't enough cloths available to cover all of the dead, robbing them of their dignity in their final moments.

There are few luxuries available to the characters aside from their cleverness, grit, and strength of will. And no one personifies those qualities more than Crutch, the 12-year-old lead protagonist. Despite being young and forced to rely on a wooden crutch/cane to stand and move around, Crutch shines in how clever, gritty, and resourceful he is. This is a kid who is willing to eat every part of a rat or a cockroach to survive. This is a kid who finds it to be a luxury to have a bucket to poop or urinate in.

In all honesty, without Crutch, there is no Ironborn. He IS the story. He IS who/what compels us to keep reading on. He is the reason this book rates so highly amid a very competitive catalog of fiction books in this contest. Crutch is that compelling of a character.

Crutch is the bottom-feeder of bottom-feeders. He is the bottom-dweller of bottom-dwellers—someone who is at home at the bottom of a creaky ship or in the sewers.

In one scene in which he's hoping against hope that a friend recovers from an injury, Crutch concludes:
“...he knew that wasn't the way the world worked. In his world, things only got worse.”

You can't help but hope that Crutch is able to find prosperity and happiness someday.

And we are over the moon whenever we get some crumbs hinting at a brighter future for Crutch. Perhaps the key example of this is when he meets Abigail, one of our favorite characters in the book. Heck, everything involving Abigail makes us smile. Why? Because Abigail represents what Crutch could someday be and what he could someday have: wealth, security, stability, and happiness.

Crutch was robbed of his childhood, forced to age and mature at the speed of light. Abigail, on the other hand, is the same age and, yet, infinitely more hopeful, childlike, playful, and optimistic. Crutch is amazed at the way Abigail dresses, the clean and flowery way she smells (being used to the smell of excrement), and lavish way she lives. He is shocked to see the amount and variety of food she has available to her and her guests at a birthday party. Oh, and by the way, she sweetly invites him to her birthday party.

Crutch is baffled when she explains what the games of “chase” and “hide & seek” are, having never played such games before.

It's truly tragic to see how much of his youth and innocence was taken from him by circumstance. Yet, it's beautiful to see how not all hope is lost.

Crutch and Abigail even laugh and smile together!

Crutch also develops very strong relationships with the Ironbay Marine crew of the Old Faithful. In particularly, he forms very close bonds with Cedric (who becomes like a mentor to him and other crewmates), Quicksilver (who acts a bit like the chemist/thinker of the group), Captain Featherstone, Sergeant Zander, Benn (a singer), Longshot, and Boulder (who arguably becomes Crutch's best friend/closest comrade).

Boulder actually reminded us a bit of Hellgrinder from Peter Elliott's books. He's a big, strong, more-than-capable fighter.

What's incredible is that Crutch is able to grow in reputation and usefulness in the group. They eventually come to call him their “secret weapon” because of how clever and resourceful he is.

Speaking of secret weapons, there is a very interesting plot device in this book as both sides race to obtain a sort of superweapon called “Orange Fire.” Orange Fire can probably be compared to a bomb or incendiary of some sort. They already have access to some great weapons like ballistas, however, Orange Fire seems to get a lot of the attention. It's the cool new thing that can turn the tide of the war.

Now, there is a hilarious plot-thread that runs through this other one in which the characters gain bad intelligence on Orange Fire, creating a flawed weapon that just releases brown, foul-smelling smoke. They call it “Sh*t” Fire.”

That really highlights why the crew of the Old Faithful is so fun to read about. They're hilarious! They love to insult the enemy (and each other) and come up with all sorts of put-downs that make them akin to the French Taunter in Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail. Even in the face of torture and execution, they're still taunting and mocking the enemy, even farting in the direction of the enemy colonel, Romanov.

Yes, really.

They also get annoyed at the singing of their own theme song/anthem, “The Horses,” begging someone to please sing something—anything else—each time.

It also needs to be said that the villains of the book, the Estonians, are very effective. They're actually more like antagonists, especially since it becomes pretty clear pretty quickly that the folks of Ironbay and the crew aren't exactly the best of people either. Near the end of the book, the “heroes” even imply that they wouldn't mind dismembering every Estonian in existence, pretty much saying they'd commit genocide if they could. They also aren't exactly hospitable to Sergei when they capture him.

As bad as the Estonians are, they're also surprisingly familiar and—dare we say—even a bit admirable. They give the crew of the Old Faithful tons of chances to be compliant before torturing and executing people. They're patriotic. They're disciplined. They're committed. They're dedicated. They have their own holidays (like Liberty Day) and their own way of talking. They seem like real people with a real culture and actual, believable motivations! That's commendable!

In fact, some of our protagonists even conclude that the Estonian soldiers have admirable courage and bravery.

By the way, did we mention that Crutch gradually gets his fellow prisoners to eat rats and cockroaches to stay live? Yeah, that was pretty funny and gross. There is a really ironic twist in this scene though in which a character concludes that a roach has a “very subtle flavor. I think it takes a delicate palate to truly appreciate it.” This echoes Crutch's earlier statement about tasting cured lamb for the first time.

Oh, and by the way, Crutch doesn't understand how to eat lobsters, so he eats the whole shell, giving himself a stomach ache and concluding that he thought they were like rats and you could eat the fur too.

Gosh, this book is entertaining in weird, wacky, unconventional ways!

We'd also like to give a nomination to Abigail & Crutch for “Best Couple!”

Check it out on Amazon!