Review of "Shadows of Carath" by S. Donovan Croft

Score: 88/100 (8.8 out of 10)

Shadows of Carath is a sci-fi fantasy novel with a lot of potential.
The world is rich. The effort is monumental and ambitious.

Unfortunately, in our opinion, it left a lot to be desired and a ton of room for improvement. This was a really frustrating read, but we'll try to be constructive.

First and foremost, it got really caught up in the weeds. The narrative fixated on describing things in excruciating detail, whether they're relevant to the main plot or not. We had to know what kind of scars characters had, what their hair color was, or what clothes they were wearing. It kept introducing one character after another character after another character in machine-gun fashion. The introductions of new characters never seemed to end, and it became overwhelming.

Like, was the author trying to tell a story or was the author trying to write a Wikipedia article about Carath listing every single political figure, sorcerer, mercenary/security/assassin group, and aspect of the economy? We get to read about things like the Trade Consortium. Does that sound exciting?

As a result, we found this book to be bloated, fluffy, and choppy. We guess you could compare it to salsa.

This is one of those books that was loaded with a lot of interesting ideas—arguably too many ideas—that don't seem to mesh.

It's unfortunate because there really are cool things in this book. For example, there are "Supernova-class starships" in here. There are laser guns like the UX-25 and 2L-9 in here. Heck, even Merlin ("Master Merlin") from Arthurian lore is in here (for... some reason). But... why? Do these things facilitate or complement the plot or do they just serve as window dressing?

The good thing about having a lot of interesting ideas is that you have a lot of substance to work with. The issue is: you need to know what to keep and what to cut. You need to know what can be stuffed and shoved into one book and what can be saved for a sequel. You need to be mindful of your audience's attention span and how much information they can soak in all at once. Also, don't forget: your story should flow and, above all, be entertaining. But this read more like an encylopedia or textbook than a sci-fi or fantasy novel.

And, yes, encylopedias and textbooks can be interesting, but we were on board for some sci-fi/fantasy action and adventure. We were on board for some epic, compelling storytelling. Remember: storytelling and world-building aren't the same thing. Describing characters and things in your world isn't necessarily storytelling.

A lot of this book involves two guys looking for clues like they're detectives in a crime novel and politicians and their lobbyists debating each other like they're the U.S. Congress on C-SPAN. It could be so much more interesting and compelling. Everything reads like a list of things the author wanted in the book instead of an organic part of the world or the story. You don't need to include everything you write down. Save some bullets in the chamber for a sequel or something.

And instead of stopping to describe each and every blade, gun, and weapon in excruciating technical detail, why not let characters throw down with them more? Why not put them to use?
Speaking of which: Where are the epic fights and space battles?

There is some action, particularly in the closing pages, but we were so checked out by that point. Instead of feeling fulfilled that the book reached a climactic action scene, all we were thinking was: "Thank God, something is finally happening!"

We felt that way because so much of this book involves a bunch of people sitting or standing around talking or new characters being introduced and described. We thought we were promised some warrior monk .vs. space marine .vs. space assassin .vs. sorcerer action.

We keep being told how great and formidable the Na'dari and the Jym Zadi ("the Na’dari’s
deadliest enemy, with fighting skills matching their own") are. Why not show us? Why not demonstrate it more? To quote Ken Watanabe from Godzilla 2014: "LET THEM FIGHT!"

If this book is supposed to be about Nico Bribane and Zachary Hawkins investigating the suspicious deaths of 30 Na'dari (warrior monks) in the Carathian Empire then why is the focus of the climax of this novel on the Order of the Cobalt Spider (Lani, Vena, Jerek, etc.), CISP, the Jade Ghosts, and the Praetorian Guard? Why isn't the climax focused on Bribane and Hawkins (the supposed two main characters)?

What were we building to and why were we building to it? Were we really building to this? Lani and Vena being front and center as the tragic heroes of this novel? CISP and Eight-Zero swooping in from left field to become the villains of this novel?

Why tell us all that stuff about the former emperor and empress being assassinated by a Sirron?
What about the staged murder-suicide? Why introduce Merlin to add a mythical magical element? What does that have to do with anything?

Why tell us all this stuff about Mr. Doran and the evil lobbyist corporation (DoroEngines) providing the Supernova-class starships?

What about Larinna's parents (the duke and duchess) being murdered by sorcerers?

What about the Wrathelords?

Are these stories even in the same universe? Are they intended to be in the same world? The same timeline? Did the author change their mind about what kind of story (sci-fi, fantasy, mystery, etc.) they were trying to tell?

Why does it seem like nothing fits together and nothing is heading in any particular direction?

Why are there so many dang characters and so many sub-plots?
Why aren't there indentations in the copy of the book we have but there are indentations in the Kindle version?

Reading this book felt like driving on a winding road plagued by potholes and speed bumps. It felt like catching every red light while driving to the DMV or being stuck in rush-hour traffic.

It really felt like the narrative couldn't just go. It had to start and stop constantly. It had to keep introducing new characters and new scenarios/sub-plots. That's what made it so frustrating for us to read.

Things couldn't just happen, unfold, or flow naturally. The narrative couldn't establish any tempo or any semblance of good pacing. It always seemed to start, stop, and introduce a handful of new characters every chapter. It always seemed like the author couldn't decide what they wanted their book to be about and kept changing the focus.

And that's another thing: the lack of focus.

The narrative gets so caught up in describing characters' scars, eye-patches, clothes, and jewelry that it loses focus on the story we're assuming it's trying to tell.

Let's just present to you the characters from our notes to give you an idea of how excessive and overwhelming this number of characters is:

Nico Bribane
Zachary Hawkins
Baron Vanat
Count Dura
High Commander Lesin
Chairman Lym Inma of Uwao
Chairman Inmak
Grand Duke Ashton
Duchess Larinna
Overlord Ni Ma’vang Okk
Edwin Rosa
Lady Sonja Kobus
Baron Kobus
Dr. Clarisa Halon
Oliver Fell
Emperor Percival Pelodred I
Empress Alrisa
Emperor Florian (dead)
Empress Gabrianna (dead)
Roland Banniston
Master Merlin
Ren Lexor
Den Baros
Leopold Galin
Prince Willard
Prince Jerod
Eight-Zero
Ten-Zero
Perovar
Pate
Cane
Kaba
Rash
Gord
Vado
Kole (Agent Ten Three)
Dane (Agent Ten-Two)
* Yes, these two are actually referred to by these agent call names, adding to the confusion
Kolin
Vena
Lani
Jeb Dahin/Zeph Pebon
Dahin
Drengal
Warder Clark
Grand Duke Mortimer
Cal’a’Vol
Sergeant Saril
Polli
Nina
Commander Ryla Mosin
General Hans Mosin
Commander Magnus Floyde
Helena Floyde
Duchess Rasondel
Commander Galen Jaesys
Keli Druest (an "award-winning motion picture actress")
Rala Rosal
Lawton Rasondel
Aneya Rasondel
Captain Leo Huron
Archduke Brondral
Commander Teufeix
Commander Teufeix's Spouse
Commander Hosk

Gosh, just look at this paragraph:

"'Of course,' Bribane replied, wiping his mouth with a cloth napkin while rising from his chair.
The Rinian followed Hawkins and Fell as they walked towards Count Vanat’s table. Oliver
introduced the two preceptors to the table’s occupants: Count Henry Vanat of Coulbar and his
wife, Countess Fiona; their daughter, the Baroness Henrisa Saldor and her husband Lord Rolas,
second son of the Duke and Duchess of Cadderwyte; Baron Ivar Kobus of Wayland and his wife
Baroness Lilya; Their eldest son Lord Oscar Kobus and his wife Lady Arina Galrod Kobus, third
daughter of the Duke and Duchess of Newcastle; the Kobus’ youngest son, Livar, and their
daughter, Sonja."

Who? What? When? Where? Why? How?
Are all of these people going to matter at some point later on in the book or series? Are they going to get fleshed out eventually?

Like, when is enough enough? How many named characters need to be in one book?
Again, it doesn't really read like a novel, it reads like a list. It reads like a phone book.

There's a difference between making your world feel real, fleshed-out, and lived in .vs. using contrivances to manufacture world-building. In other words, you shouldn't just list all the cool people and cool things in your world. That's not a story, that's a phone book.

We strongly recommend that this book be revised and rewritten with more focus.
Rein this in. Simplify things. Save some content for later installments.
Take a handful of major characters (ideally less than five) and let them live and tell this story.

There are glimpses of good writing in this book. For example, we get the great quote: "Beware of an old man in a profession where men usually die young."

​And, hey, you might enjoy this book more than we did. There's a lot to like and work with.

If you're interested: check this out on Amazon!