Review of "The Canceled Life of Zander Wolbach" by Alden Windrow

Score: 93+/100 (9.3+ out of 10)

CONTENT TRIGGER WARNING

Have you seen those stories about people who've gotten themselves killed (or killed themselves) in horrific ways, then thought to yourself: What the hell were they thinking?!
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The Canceled Life of Zander Wolbach by Alden Windrow is a thought-provoking yet morbidly entertaining glimpse into the life and mind of a man who makes such a horrific and baffling decision.

What's extra fascinating about the main character, Zander Wolbach, is how he's simultaneously relatable and familiar yet also alien and weird. He's a guy who'll struggle with noisy neighbors and rude people over the phone (like many of us have) yet will pray for a snake not to bite him on a trail or pray to thank an animal for giving its life to be his food.

Zander is a bright but anxious twenty-something stuck in Folksport, scraping by on a newspaper call-center job and trying to manage depression and meaninglessness in weekly sessions with his therapist, Dr. Golden. It's revealed that he has Gilbert's syndrome, a benign liver condition that makes him appear yellow at times. We thought this was going to be a much more important detail in the book (and perhaps even a major plot device), but it really doesn't seem to be. It really serves as window dressing to show how much of an oddball and black sheep Zander is.

The early chapters set a routine, introducing us to the mundaneness and hamster wheel of Zander's life. It's full of fluorescent-lit cubicles, irate subscribers, and Zander’s uneasy mix of politeness and simmering anger, followed by the couch in Dr. Golden’s office where he admits he sometimes wishes he could “disappear” but has no plan to act on it. The therapy gives language to his frustration (wrong degree, false starts, self-reproach) while the call center grinds on, framing his desire for a more creative life.

He turns that longing into songs. He becomes some sort of "healing musician." While this might seem weird, it's coincidentally something that also happened in Cora's Magic Melodies by Sally Kashner. You've gotta admit that music does having some healing properties, at least psychologically. People often listen to music to feel better and/or cope with stress.

Recording at home, Zander releases a stripped-down, personal set that includes tracks about therapy and library afternoons; the reception is mixed, but it nudges him onto stages, first a church afternoon with a small, attentive crowd, then more shows. Momentum builds when an established alt-rock act, Doug Sereda, invites him to open. Zander plays well, sells a stack of CDs, and hears Doug promise to mention him to the label, a moment that feels like a door finally cracking open.

Life, meanwhile, keeps undercutting him. He lands a marketing job at Quality Star Cruises but, two years in, a merger sends the headquarters to Cleveland and his position is eliminated; the layoff scatters the team and yanks away his one piece of stability. His attempts to channel music into service (volunteering as a “music healer”) end in humiliation and a burst of rage that sees him smashing his guitar behind the hospital dumpster.

Throughout the book, a mixture of things are developing both in Zander himself and also in the world. Zander himself falls deeper and deeper into Buddhism, meditating and pronouncing Dharma. He sees a video and hears about the Monks who self-immolated during social strife and war-time in the 20th century. It peaks his curiosity. Meanwhile, the world goes through several crises in his lifetime including the Clinton scandal, 9/11, Iraq War, race riots, and the shocking election of Donald Trump. America itself grows increasingly divided between left and right.

What's interesting is that Zander, a former Bill Clinton supporter, becomes increasingly disillusioned and eventually disinterested in politics altogether. In other words, he supports neither side.

So, that begs the huge question: Why would he consider self-immolating? In protest of what? In support of who?

It almost seems like he's just disillusioned with the world and society in general, and that's pretty much the explanation that the book comes up with.

What's really fascinating about this book is that, despite the dark and grim conclusion its clearly heading toward, it's actually incredibly entertaining and humorous.

The early customer service phone call he handles is super relatable, not just from Zander's prospective but also for the customer's. The customer is upset because the paper boy keeps throwing the newspaper in the wet bushes, and he assumes this is on purpose. The customer then makes threats of wanting to strangle the paper boy (who really isn't a boy, more like a man because he can drive a car, apparently). We've all been on both sides of that conversation: the one receiving a complaint or the one expressing it. It's frustrating either way. And it really shows how both silly yet powerful and important human conflict can be.

Zander also has a terrible supervisor named Cole at one point. Cole is a bully and one of the book's antagonists, despite his rather short presence int he book. He calls a fellow coworker "Stevie Wonder" whenever he makes a mistake, essentially calling him blind. He puts everyone down and is savage to everyone in much the same way.

We mentioned Doug Sereda, the singer, earlier. And his concert portions are some of the most entertaining and natural/organic in the book. His rapport with every audience is impeccable. We had a lot of fun reading it.

There's also examples of good writing in this book, especially when describing viscerally human experiences. One of our favorite scenes is when Zander is shaving in front of a mirror and it's described as him scraping anxiety off of his face.

Check it out on Amazon!