Review of "The Little Book of Nosy Questions About Adoption" by Nathalie Iseli-Chan

Score: 94/100 (9.4 out of 10)

Every adoptive family eventually runs into that stranger in the supermarket who asks something so jaw-dropping that you only think of the perfect response three hours later in the car. This book is basically a loving, funny, kid friendly toolkit for those moments. It does two big jobs at once: it tells a warm family story about adoption, and it quietly hands adoptees and parents the language and confidence to handle other people’s curiosity without losing their dignity.

The story portion of this book follows a multiracial family of five, narrated by an adopted daughter who explains that she and her little sister joined the family through adoption while their baby brother was born to their mom. Right away, we see how often people feel entitled to comment on or dissect that reality. An uncle calls her “your adoptive daughter,” a relative asks, “Don’t you wish she was actually yours?”, and Mommy gently but firmly corrects them: “Thank you, OUR daughter is indeed absolutely adorable.” Later, a doctor wonders if the girls are “real siblings,” a coworker demands to know “what was wrong with them,” and a postal clerk casually asks if you can “return” adopted kids if things do not work out. The parents’ responses model exactly what so many families crave: calm, clear boundary setting with a side of wit.

What really elevates the book is how it keeps circling back to a few core truths and lets kids sit with them. “Adoption builds families. It does not matter if we do not share the same eyes, nose or skin tone, LOVE is what holds us together. A family is a family.” “No one is ever entitled to our adoption story.” “Real” vs “biological” siblings are distinguished with simple, precise language. The text never sugarcoats the loss and grief that sit underneath adoption, especially when others gush that the children are “lucky” or “rescued.” The parents insist that they are the lucky ones, and that there is nothing fortunate about being separated from birth parents. It is honest without being heavy handed, which is a hard balance to strike in a children’s book.

Then the book changes gears and becomes a workbook, and this is where it turns from “nice story” into “essential resource.” There are sections for four different audiences: “You were adopted,” “You adopted,” “You are hoping to adopt,” and “What is adoption?” For each group, there are gentle prompts about identity, family trees and “bubble clusters,” how you describe yourself, what you like or hate being asked, the questions you wish people would ask instead, and the responses you wish you had given. There are pages that sort comments into categories like CURIOUS, NOSY, CLUELESS, JUDGMENTAL, UNGRACIOUS, and BIG NO NO, followed by spaces to craft factual answers and then “sassy pantaloons” comebacks. There is even a matching exercise in positive adoption language, shifting phrases like “give up for adoption” to “make an adoption plan” and “unwanted child” to “waiting child.”

Visually, the book is adorable and smart at the same time. They're actually a bit like infographics.

Anyway, the cartoon family is expressive and diverse, with bright, rounded illustrations that kids will gravitate toward. Repeated motifs like sticky notes, clipped Polaroid style photos, and pens make it feel like a personal scrapbook rather than a dry manual. The yes/no reflection spreads that ask questions such as “Is this person a total stranger?”, “Are our children here?”, and “Is this an opportunity to educate?” are especially clever. They turn parents’ gut feelings into a visible decision tree that can be revisited when something nosy happens in real life.

If we have a critique, it is mostly about density and scope. The workbook sections are rich and generous, but there is a lot of text and a lot of prompts. Younger children will definitely need adult guidance to navigate it, and even teens or parents early in their adoption journey might feel a bit overwhelmed by how many questions they are asked to process at once. Some reading level guidance or suggested age ranges for each section would make it even more user friendly. A few of the most powerful story spreads (like the “Adoption is forever!” moment or the “looking adopted is not a thing” page) could also benefit from a touch more breathing room to really land.

One of the things we noticed is that there's a lot happening on some of the pages. A lot of different graphics and text seems to be coming from everywhere: up, down, left, right, diagonal, above, below, and everything inbetween. It's kinda overwhelming, to be honest. Page 44 has this poster/decal behind the character that seems to have like a dozen different terms and phrases just crammed in and weaved together.

Anyway, this book spoke to us. In 2022, we read Fostering: A Memoir of Courage and Hope by Carmen Maria Navarro, and we can see a lot of parallels between the experiences in the book. It's like there's a needless stigma attached to adopting and fostering, and it really hurts. We can tell. A lot of this book focuses on encouraging people to be tactful, sensitive, and mindful when it comes to adoption and adoptive families.

Taken as a whole, though, this is a heartfelt, practical, and deeply validating resource. It tells adoptees: your feelings and boundaries matter. It tells adoptive parents: you are allowed to protect your children’s story and still educate others when you choose. And it tells future parents: adoption is not a shortcut, a rescue mission, or “just a piece of paper,” it is a lifelong relationship that deserves thought and preparation. For adoptive families who are tired of improvising on the spot when the next nosy question hits, The Little Book of Nosy Questions About Adoption can serve as a mirror and a guide.

Check it out on Amazon!