Audiobook Score: 94/100 (9.4 out of 10)
Corruption by Parker Samuels was already a thrilling, engaging crime drama as a paperback, but the creator takes it to a whole other level by bringing this story and its characters to life in audiobook format! Corruption follows a clever, witty, swift-talking police detective named Griffin Hunter as he is caught between taking down a dangerous Russian gang led by a crime family knows as the Poliokovs and a possible inside job by a ruthless and intelligent internal enemy. This follows the mysterious death of an informant named Reuben in the hospital and the near-death of Griffin himself in the same hospital. This leads to the discovery of an rifle round being discovered, leading to the thought that someone on the SWAT team may have been involved in these murder attempts. This person may have been tied to the sexual assaults of two women over a long length of time. We get the perspectives of these women throughout the story as more and more information is uncovered. This book is perfect for those who love crime/detective dramas and thrillers. Now, this audiobook is something special. First of all, it features the brilliant narration of the author himself. Samuels's voice perfectly captures the subdued and mysterious tone of a book in this genre. If you're familiar with the old detective stories that used to play on the radio, usually accompanied by jazz music (cause why not?), Samuel is able to deliver his narration with this same kind of tone and coyness. It isn't overly forceful or loud. Rather, it's mellow, matter-of-fact, and deliberating. You can almost feel the gears turning in the narrator's head, which is perfect for a detective novel. However, this isn't the most special or unique thing about this audiobook. No, that would go to the impressive AI voice-acting! That's right, the author was bold and ambitious enough to take the risk of using AI and AI-trained voices to voice the dialogue. This is especially impressive since this book features quite a bit of dialogue. In fact, the dialogue and narration is perfectly balanced, which helps the narrative to flow and, ultimately, work. Now, AI has one key weakness at the moment: it struggles to understand and deliver the nuances of tone and inflection. Perhaps the best example of this is when Benny exclaims, “NOOOOO!” but it sounds rather flat and stilted. This is more the fault of the limitations of AI than it is the author. Usually, the AI voices are fantastic. Chief McCormick sounds both like a person of authority and likes someone who could use the advice and assistance of someone like Griffin. His voice is older, commanding, yet—strangely—not domineering. It's a good balance. The best voice in the entire cast is that of the love interest, Junior Detective Crunch (whom Griffin imagines can be called “Captain Crunch” someday). Crunch is Griffin's beautiful, sexy, appealing love interest throughout the book. Her voice is perfect for her. It's feminine, smooth, and appealing just like she is. We're not sure if this was an AI voice or that of Laura Toro, but it's great none the less. There were other voices that we loved. For example, the Indian doctor's accent is almost spotless and Benny's voice is sniveling while also being nervous and unsteady. The accents of the two women including the exotic dancer are also very good. The main villain, as we described in our review of the paperback, is an excellent opponent for Detective Griffin and someone we were dying to see get a comeuppance. We also loved how sly and comedic Detective Griffin can be. He often assigns embarrassing nicknames for people such as calling Crunch “Captain Crunch” and pointing out the hilarity of the name “Detective Cox.” It's also interesting how the narration is also able to give us a feel of Houston, Texas such as describing the different roads and the different storms that the location has experienced. This audiobook provides hope for those authors who dream of creating a polyphonic audiobook with varied voices without the insurmountable costs that often come with that. Check this out on Kobo!
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Score: 93/100 (9.3 out of 10)
Bedtime Fables: Children's Tales of Morals and Adventure is a delightful collection of children's bedtime stories that concern different moral values, virtues, and good habits. These moral values, virtues, and good habits championed by this book include hard work, listening to parents, perseverance, respect, gratitude, appreciation, compassion, patience, caring, cooperation, cleaning up after ourselves, self-control, healthy eating, making good decisions, drinking water, and even having good hygiene! This book is a collection of bedtime stories that the author lovingly crafted for his own children, having found it difficult to find other bedtime stories with good lessons for children. He shares these stories so that you and your children can enjoy and learn from them too! His children—Ila, Roman, and Christopher—are represented by name and serve as characters throughout the book. However, they're not the only characters. There are a few others in here who are likely inspired by people that the author knows. For example, one of our favorite characters was Daisy the Deer. Daisy the Deer appears in the story titled “The Compassionate Animals of the Forest”--a story that, as the name implies, concerns kindness and compassion. Following a catastrophic event that sweeps the forest, Daisy the Deer helps the other animals to rebuild their homes, inspiring them to help each other to do the same. There's also a character named Chrissy Poo, a teddy bear. Chrissy Poo, who has an unhealthy appetite for chocolates, is able to learn to control and temper herself. This might seem like a minor thing, but obesity has become such a huge problem, particularly among our youth. What's worse is that many children simply lack the education and experience to know how certain foods negatively affect their food and weight. This is especially a problem if their parents, guardians, and teachers are never able to enlighten them about eating healthy. It is a little disappointing that both of these stories—with such great lessons and promising characters—occur like a flash in the pan. They're incredibly short with few ups, downs, twists, or turns. There are times in these stories when it just seems too straightforward and too shallow. Most of these characters lack any kind of depth. They're not given enough time to breathe. The plots are usually less than 3-5 paragraphs long. That's good in that it accommodates the small attention spans of children, but it may not be so good from the standpoint of literary quality. These aren't inherently good or well-written stories, they're adequately written stories with good lessons. Anyway, moving on. As we said before, most of these stories star the author's own children—Ila, the daughter, and Roman and Christopher, two twin brothers. The book starts off with one of the best, most amusing, clever, and humorous story in the book: “The Hygiene Quest in Dragonland: A Journey with Ila and the Twins.” As the title implies, this is a story about having good hygiene, however, it is presented in a fantastical, entertaining way. The children are taught about washing their hands and showering every day, but they are told this in a story involving a magical healer and a dragon! The children are entertained while being educated, the perfect balance. “The Princess and the Magic Words” is another wonderful story about Princess Ila learning to treat others with respect and to use words like “please” and “thank you.” “Roman and the Treasure Hunt on the High Seas” is a noticeably shorter story, and this is when the book starts to show its cracks and seem a bit more forced or contrived. We guess it's ok since PSAs serve their purpose in teaching kids to make good choices. In this story, Roman is a pirate who doesn't follow the instructions of his dad, the pirate captain. He ends up on an island where the skeletons come to life and almost attack him until he is saved in the nick of time. He is reassured that his father loves him and that he should listen next time. We enjoyed “The Little Boy Who Found Gratitude” but it ended too abruptly. In one simple, straightforward conversation with a magical tree, the boy goes from being greedy and selfish to being frugal enough to accept just one golden leaf from the tree. It started so well and then seemed to fall flat. “The Hare Siblings and the Lesson of Patience” was one of the better stories in this book. Again, it features the three siblings, this time personifying rabbits. What's really amusing about this story is that there's a third character, a turtle named “Slowpoke.” Slowpoke the Turtle, like Daisy the Deer, is one of the best characters in this book. He's able to teach the children that good things often take time and that they should be patient. Bizarrely, we didn't remember much about “The Ninjas and the Fruit Monsters of Candy Land” which might indicate that it was a bit too out-there for our taste. Maybe we're not anthropomorphic fruit ninja kind of people. “The Truthful Little Girl” is actually a self-explanatory story, but it was oddly quite touching and we're quite sentimental about it. In this story, a girl who is tempted to tell a misleading lie for her own selfish benefit instead decides against it, gaining the reputation as a truthful and trustworthy person. That's actually very powerful! “The Kind Little Boy' might be the weakest story in the book. It had tremendous potential, however, it went from 5 mph to 120 mph in 5 seconds, then kinda fell flat. It has a very, very promising and beautiful premise: a kind young boy steps up to protect a little girl. However, this just magically turns the bad guys “nice” and changes the entire city into a nice city. It just seems like a few dozen steps were skipped. “The Clean Up Crew and Friends” stood out to us as being a really appealing and memorable story about picking up and cleaning up after yourself. This is especially great since it features several cuddly animals. The lion cubs in the previous story were also very appealing as well as the lesson to persevere. Both of these lessons are very good for children to learn. The art in here is varied and quite wonderful. It accompanies the book very well. We know that many of these illustrations were AI-generated, and it's ok. There does seem to be a lack of consistency between them (stylistically). This was certainly crafted with a lot of heart and love! Check it out on Amazon! Score: 93/100 (9.3 out of 10)
Raccoons Go Rafting is a cute, fun, and easy-to-follow children's book by Rachel Vogel, illustrated by Anthony Richichi. The book follows six adventurous and sometimes goofy raccoons—Buzzball, Bandit, Riptail, Buddy, Professor, and Nugget—as they take on the rapids of the Hudson River on their raft. First of all, the characters will immediately grip you and your children—they're raccoons after all! There's just something about raccoons that's so appealing. It's a mixture of cuteness and the expectation of silly, clumsy shenanigans that naturally comes with these kinds of animals. This is why we love huskies, pandas, and other furry creatures that like to get themselves caught in predicaments, or who have two left feet. The other thing that was a welcomed sight was Anthony Richichi's art. Richichi has established himself as one of the most familiar figures in our contests, the illustrator of about a half-dozen of these books. Richichi is especially good at bringing animals to life on the page. Now, this book may not contain his most stellar or spectacular illustrations. It might have a lot to do with the scale of the background in relation to the size of the characters. The characters are always very small and the backgrounds/settings are always very large. Because of that, we get a more distant and perhaps more detached perspective of these characters. It also leads to the characters not looking as refined as they might otherwise be. It almost seems at times that the characters are so far away that Richichi didn't have a fine enough pencil to detail certain aspects of them. Another thing we noticed is that it almost seems like a lot of the figures in this book seem slanted to the right for some reason, making them appear slightly wonky or unrefined. With that said, Richichi is still able to capture the personality and expressions of these raccoons. They're reactions and facial expressions are so much fun to see. What's also special is that not all of the raccoons react in exactly the same way. There are times when one is enamored with a situation while the others are not. There are times when one is sleepy while the others are not. There are times when one is hungry while the others are not. There are times when one is scared, concerned, or apprehensive while the others are not. This book, despite being so short in both page and word length, has a lot to offer. Your kids will love flipping through this dozens of times, reacting to situations while the raccoons do. Something else we could appreciate is that the book is extremely minimalist and simple, especially when it comes to the writing. Each page contains only one sentence or part of a sentence. It follows the familiar formula of a book like Go, Dog, Go! Some of our favorite moments of this book are when the blue-vested raccoon reacts to the moose and when the deer reacts to one of the raccoons doing their business in the trees. This is a cute, fun, and enjoyable children's book. Check it out on Amazon! Score: 91/100 (9.1 out of 10)
The Windy City Terror by Miguel Angel Hernandez Jr. blends elements of crime drama, detective mystery, murder mystery, horror, fantasy, and even sci-fi into this compelling tale akin to an episode of Grimm. The Windy City Terror is the fourth book in this series that follows former police detective Griffin Knight, a veteran of law enforcement embittered by the constraints of the law. Having served with and/or assisted Seattle Police Department, New York Police Department, and Chicago Police Departments, he becomes frustrated with the law's lack of initiative and need to obey the fourth and fifth amendments of the constitution. Despite loving and respecting the constitution and the law, he realizes that there are times when you need to do what must be done to save lives and defeat evil. In response to this epiphany, he officially resigns from his job with law enforcement and co-founds an independent, private investigator group called the “Night Chasers” alongside his friends and former colleagues Samira, Alister, Noah, and Ashe. Each brings their own areas of expertise to every investigation with Griffin himself serving as the front and the muscle. Samira is an expert in medical science while Alister, Noah, and Ashe serve a technical support role similar to your Codec support team in a Metal Gear game. Among the techys, Ashe stands out for her technical wizardry and often times seems like the MVP of the support team. These skills are especially useful considering how bizarre almost all of Knight's cases are, often featuring fantastical, sci-fi, or pseudo-paranormal elements. This is, in a sense, as much of a monster-hunting series as it is a detective mystery series. We often venture into Scooby Doo or Phoenix Wright territory with how over-the-top and absurd some of these cases are. The main case in this particular book centers around the brutal killings of people whose mutilated, dismembered bodies are found around the city and in the sewers. Their bodies appear to have been mauled by a large animal like a bear, a wolf, or a lion, things which naturally aren't thought to inhabit the metropolitan area. While the previous book teased us with the possible presence of a real-life vampire, this book presents the prospect that there may be a WEREWOLF stalking the streets and sewers of Chicago! What we appreciated about this book is that the author went all-in on the fantastical itch he clearly has, presenting us with a true monster this time. At the same time, we wouldn't say the villain or villains are inherently evil like the previous ones arguably were. These villains seem to have pretty understandable motivations. In fact, their motives and intentions are good, but their actions and the results clearly aren't. This is another Frankenstein or Jekyll & Hyde case in which science that was intended for healing and good is now being used for harm and evil. We actually sympathized with the villains a little, in stark contrast to how we felt about the previous villains. You can see where they're coming from. Does that completely excuse their actions and the bloody results? No. But it does get us more involved with the characters and the story than in the previous book. Check it out on Amazon! Score: 88/100 (8.8 out of 10)
The Nocturnal Devil is a gripping murder mystery/detective novel by Miguel Angel Hernandez Jr. Uniquely, it includes pseudo-paranormal/horror elements along with a chilling psychological exploration of a homicidal mind. The Nocturnal Devil follows NYPD police detective Griffin Knight as he and his friends attempt to uncover the mystery behind two missing women in New York City, Melanie Chips and Britney Birdwhistle. The two women are horribly and viciously murdered by a deranged psychopath obsessed with a vampiric fantasy and the belief that this ritualistic killing (in his mind) will allow him to ascend to godhood. It becomes even tenser when investigators realize that the killer may not be working alone, but with an accomplice whose chilling normalcy may allow him to entice victims. The race is on to find and capture these killers before they can find a new victim. This desperate race against time necessitates the calling of Detective Knight out from leave. Griffin Knight and his ragtag team of investigators are the perfect people to find and stop this bizarre serial-killer, having just taken down the formidable Colossus in Seattle. They have long been chasing a shadowy, dangerous, and deadly entity named Sapphire Rushland—the Psychopath in Seattle—the person responsible for the death of Knight's partner, Felix Del Camp, and who repeatedly sends assassins to target the detective. Sapphire Rushland casts an ominous shadow over the characters and the book as a whole, even when it is dominated by this terrifying vampiric killer. Griffin Knight is a serviceable lead protagonist who really grew on us in one of the sequels, The Windy City Terror (book 4 in the series). This is the third book in the series, and we meet a very vulnerable, injured, discouraged, and disheartened Griffin Knight after the events in Seattle. The death of Felix, in particular, haunts him. He is anxious about future attacks from Sapphire Rushland. He is riddled with injuries, and technically on leave from the force. However, desperate circumstances involving this vampiric killer and these missing women prompt his return. In this book, Griffin is going through the Dark Knight Rises arc of rediscovering himself after getting the crap kicked out of him by life. Helping him in that recovery is the new deuteragonist and love interest, Samira Bellucci, a doctor for the police department who tends to him and helps him to recover. It is clear that Griffin falls head over heels in love with Samira, and their attraction seems understandable. Samira may be a candidate for “Hottest Character” in our special awards. She is a soft-featured, curvy, blonde-haired Albanian woman with a calming, nurturing personality. In fact, what happens to Samira really leads to the tensest and most inspired part of the entire book as Griffin must ensure that what happened to the other women doesn't happen to the woman he loves. Now, there were a few things about this book that seemed strange and may have not worked as intended. We get really close and intimate with the killer, even getting his perspective while he brutally murders these women. It almost feels as if the author was trying to get us to understand the villain's twisted point of view, but instead it just comes across as uncomfortable and awkward. The gruesome violence felt almost glamorized, and the murderer's actions and motivations seemed almost celebrated like the acts of some charismatic slasher villain (i.e. Freddy, Jason, or Michael). We know that probably wasn't the author's intention, but that's how it came across. We should really feel terrible and sorry for these victims, not entertained and captivated by their brutal demise. Perhaps these sections should have been from third-person rather than from first-person? It also takes away a lot of the mystery of the story since we already know what happened to the women, pretty much who killed them, and what's going on with the case (even when the main protagonists don't). This is strange since you'd expect (in a murder mystery/detective novel) for the detective to be the one making the discoveries that reveal all of this information rather than the narrative itself just telling us. There's also a goofiness and hilarity to this Sapphire character sending a baddie of the day like she's Rita Repulsa or something. It would probably have helped to have read the previous books to get an idea of what Sapphire's deal is, but she does seem to be the over-arching villain of the series. There are times in this book (and in book four, which we also read) that we felt it jumped the shark. What do we mean by that? Well, there's a suspension of disbelief that you expect to have with any work of fiction. However, a reader can only suspend their disbelief so much before they start seeing the cracks form or the man behind the curtain. This book opens up by seeming very grounded in reality, then becomes more like Supernatural or Buffy than CSI or Criminal Minds. It becomes more like an urban fantasy than a crime novel. In book four, this suspension of disbelief goes to the extreme and becomes full-on sci-fi/mad science/urban legend. There are some sci-fi elements to be seen here such as Ashe's hacking abilities and the Smart-Goggles. The missing of genres can both be a benefit or a detriment to a work of fiction like this. It depends on the person. If you're signing up for a more realistic, grounded murder mystery, then this isn't it. If you're signing up for a bizarre, over-the-top murder mystery with fantasy and sci-fi elements, then this might be up your alley. It's no surprise that the author is an admitted fan of Phoenix Wright: Ace Detective. A lot of the cases in his stories, like in Phoenix Wright, throw plausibility out the windows and, instead, ask: How can we make this case as extreme, hokey, over-the-top, ridiculous, and absurd as possible? In Phoenix Wright, you have people employing animals like snakes to kill their victims, using psychic powers and spiritual mediums to get an edge, or going through long, winding, convoluted, intricate crime plots just to achieve a simple goal. Logic is secondary to the entertainment/enjoyment factor. You definitely see the inspiration here. If you enjoy murder mysteries that are more out there, check this out on Amazon! Score: 95/100 (9.5 out of 10)
Frankinschool is a fun, enjoyable, and exciting children's chapter book by Caryn Rivadeneira. It explores themes and topics like friendship, bullying, setting aside differences, and—perhaps mostly importantly—the power of the human imagination. The book refers to this last theme as the “power of pretend.” The Power of Pretend certainly plays an enormous role in the events of this short yet compelling book. Frankinschool follows Fred, an imaginative yet seemingly depressed school-aged loner. Despite his love and talent for crafting stories and writing poems, Fred's self-esteem is very low. He is especially hurt by a particular schoolmate, Luisa, who constantly calls him “dumb.” This is where the topic of bullying subtly comes into this book. We see the emotional toll that Luisa's hurtful name-calling has on Fred. Yet, at the same time, we also get the perspective of Luisa, which is nothing like we expected. To Luisa, she isn't trying to hurt Fred, she is “teasing” him, intending to be friendly and social with him. Luisa is the deuteragonist of this book. She is far and away our favorite character. There's something about a redeemed character that's instantly appealing. She has so many great moments with Fred, first as her self (Luisa) and then as her alter-ego, Princesa Maria Luisa Octavia (often just called “Princess”). She's a very human, real-seeming character. Subtle things humanize her like when she drools while sleeping, especially after just bragging and pretending to be high and mighty. You get the sense that she is actually quite insecure, not much different than Fred. Fred has an alter-ego too, the titular Frankinschool! He imagines himself to be a Frankenstein-ish monster with bolts in his neck and stitches in his forehead. His whole “Frankinschool” idea comes up when he receives a book that was supposedly left by a famous author who had visited. It is addressed to someone named “Frank.” Fred, whose self-esteem and self-worth are very low, comes up with the idea of recreating himself and being someone else while he is at school versus when he is at home. He comes up with the idea of being Frank while in school and Fred while elsewhere. This might seem a little complicated, especially for kids, but we got it. Kids might get it. Kids love to pretend to be other people or what they see in media. They pretend to be superheroes, for example. Well, it turns out that his imagination has an impact on reality, causing everyone in class to fall asleep and for a dream-like sequence to begin. In this dream-like sequence, which spans most of the book, Fred becomes like Frankenstein's monster, albeit a much friendlier and less homicidal version than Mary Shelly's. Meanwhile, Luisa becomes Princess, a high-horse-riding, uptight princess who gradually befriends Fred. The two explore a great mystery, particularly involving the ghost of the actual Frank, a mysterious custodian who'd cleaned the school for 40 years only to find his spirit trapped there. Frank is also a compelling character, serving as the tritagonist of the book. Like Fred and Luisa, there's something very sweet and endearing about him despite him being a ghost. You can't help but want to see him get what he wants, even if it might mean Fred losing what he has. What's incredible is that, despite this being a relatively simple children's book, the author is still able to establish motivations for all of the major characters, something which authors of adult books sometimes neglect to do. Another thing that we really, really loved about this book was the chemistry and relationship between Fred and Luisa. It is very sweet and innocent, yet there's a sort of romantic tension between them—a sort of puppy love. However, we're pretty sure that the author just intended them to be friends, not much more than that. Still, our head canon had us going on dates in four years and getting married in eight. Even if you're just accepting their budding friendship (and not a romantic one), there's still a sweetness and endearing quality to their relationship. Them coming to a common understanding after all the misunderstandings and all the tension in earlier sections is incredible. Another thing that awesome about this book are the illustrations by Dani Jones. Even lacking color, these illustrations are incredible! What's even more incredible is how the illustrations seamlessly fit into the look, feel, and flow of the book rather than distracting or detracting from them. We were very impressed! So, this book stands out for promoting imagination (“Power of Pretend”), its compelling characters, and its solid illustrations. Check it out on Amazon! Score: 86/100 (8.6 out of 10)
Search for Complete can probably best be described as a mixed-genre, experimental, existential novel by Stephen Hardy. With all that, it's also a mixed bag full of interesting concepts and ideas, some of which land and some of which don't. The book follows Christopher Dunn, a somewhat androgynous, mostly-masculine, asexual character who wrestles with a torturous dilemma in his life: the inability to form sexual connections with anyone, male or female, despite being both ridiculously handsome and absurdly gorgeous. Christopher is both blessed and cursed as a rare complete being, still carrying both his masculine and feminine halves like some sort of Yin & Yang dyad or a Gemini. It turns out that, in the lore and mythos of this novel, Zeus (from Greek mythology) had been jealous of humanity's early wholeness, so he split humans into males and females, each feeling incomplete and seeking after their missing halves/partners. Despite being conceptually complete, Christopher seems empty and wanting for something else. For much of this novel—as we'll revisit later—he seems to be almost robotic or a husk of a person. In fact, he seems incomplete and unfinished most of the time, like an uncolored sketch of a human being. See, despite being sexually uninterested and unattracted, Christopher still longs to be needed. The desire to be needed and for people to be drawn to him seem to be his defining motivations. Another of these motivations is the desire to be emotionally connected with others despite not wanting to have sexual relations with them. These aspects of Christopher and the novel may be interesting to some readers out there. However, we found Christopher to be very difficult to like and get behind. Again, he almost seems like a robot or an alien most of the time. When people meet and interact with him, it's almost like they're dogs trying to bark up a tree—mere mortals trying to reach a deity who just doesn't seem to fit on the planet Earth. We think we know why that is. See, Christopher is difficult (though not impossible) for 99% of people to relate to. Asexuals make up 1% or less of the human population. For the grand majority of human beings, sex is one of the key motivations in their lives, either consciously or subconsciously. There's a scientific, evolutionary reason for that: those who didn't have sex didn't pass on their genes. The gene pools of asexuals naturally died out. It's really that simple. With that said, it might be possible for people to relate to Christopher's need to make emotional connections with people like David and Laura despite being different. After all, this is the reason why the Doctor from Doctor Who keeps companions with him. The need for human companionship and the desire to not be alone are themes that play throughout this novel. We can also sometimes get glimpses into the hurt and pain that Christopher feels. We can tell that the end of his relationship with Gabriel in Seattle was/is something that haunts him. We can tell that friend-zoning and putting off the advances of the likes of David and Laura also hurts him. Let's talk about friend-zoning for a minute. This is perhaps one of the reasons why Christopher comes across as so frustrating, agitating, aggravating, annoying, and unlikable as a main protagonist—he's in the way of what would typically be “the plot.” In other words, he's in the way of his own arc: his own worse enemy despite being so complete and perfect. He friend-zones pretty much everyone. He's that annoying character in every film, book, or video game that makes it difficult for the main couple(s) to get together, the third wheel, the c***k block, the mother-in-law or obnoxious BFF who rings the doorbell when the lead couple is about to have their first kiss or get it on. The other frustrating thing about him is that, despite friend-zoning everyone, he seems to collect people. This almost makes him come across like some kind of sociopathic villain, even despite him constantly claiming how sensitive he is about others and their feelings. He's the equivalent of that lead cheerleader in high school who sleeps with, flirts with, and collects all the hot guys in the school so that no one else can have them first. Now, you could argue that Christopher doesn't intend to do this to people, but consequences are consequences. The results are the results. Now, you could argue that—unlike our stereotypical lead cheerleader example—Christopher is happy when his admirers go on, date or even marry other people, and find their own happiness. That's fair. However, it doesn't change how frustrating Christopher can be 90% percent of the time. We don't remember him really showing remorse or shedding a tear until about 80-85% through the novel. That's despite constantly saying how he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and doesn't want to lead anyone on. He almost comes across as a Gary Stu-type character. We felt terrible for David, Laura, and others throughout this book who had to deal with this robotic alien of a human being who brings heartbreak and destruction everywhere he goes like he's Vash the Stampede or something. He drive, thirst, and hunger for true completion almost made us think he was like Semi-Perfect Cell—again, a villain. His talking to himself/his other half/his voices only convinced us that he was probably schizophrenic, something which the book actually teases and alludes to several times (to its credit). It is also kinda weird how he starts this book off as a fish out of water/new boy in a strange town archetype, then 130 pages or so later he's revealing a ton of information about the novel's lore to a confidant like he's suddenly achieved omniscience and everything he says is gospel. It just makes him seem even more distant and even more like a Gary Stu, which is not likable in the least. Compelling, maybe. Likable? No. Now, this book does have its bright spots, and we admire its ambition. Some of the quotes are either interesting or awesome. Here's probably the key quote in the book: “Christopher would make the perfect husband for any woman and, at the same time, make the perfect wife for any man.” Here are some of our favorite quotes: “...sometimes life needs to be shaken up to help one see things in a new light.” “It was said that these early creatures' greatest wish was for Hephaestus to solder them to one another again so that their souls could be as one, and they could share in a common fate once more.” Check it out on Amazon! Score: 91+/100 (9.1+ out of 10)
Diary of a Martian is an interesting tale about the future of humanity, space colonization, and first contact with aliens. It's also a story about a young man, a space cadet named Elliot who aspires to do good by his parents by becoming a space marine on Mars. Elliot, his father, and his academy mates live in a Mars colony called New London, practically the representation of the western world on Mars. On the opposite side of this is New Beijing, the representation of the eastern world on Mars. The two colonies are fierce rivals in just about everything, the least of which is soccer. They have a great distrust for each other due to the history of the two peoples. See, the Earth had been devastated by both a climate catastrophe and a catastrophic war between the east and west in 2067 that contributed to the aforementioned crisis. Out of desperation to preserve humanity, Mars was targeted for colonization. The plan was to drill deep into Mars, allowing the release of gases that would lead to the development of a planetary atmosphere and thus rain and oxygen. The irony of this is pointed out as the characters comment that they are basically trying to warm Mars the exact same way that they warmed and ruined the Earth. Unfortunately, this plan hasn't fully taken affect, so the characters are confined to colony buildings due to the lack of oxygen. Whenever they leave the colony buildings, they are forced to wear full space suits with helmets and an oxygen supply. While the premise of this book is quite generic and something that you'll see in other sci-fi books, the world building is still quite unique and impressive from time to time. There is a surprisingly heavy emphasis on the sport of soccer, which is still viewed as the world sport. Elliot and his academy mates represent New London on the colony's co-ed soccer team. They continually play New Beijing like the Harlem Globetrotters and Washington Generals. Maybe there's some symbolism there as the two peoples are in constant conflict with each other. It's also interesting to note that the soccer ball itself behaves differently on Mars than it does on Earth, and space provides its own unique challenges to the sport. The most interesting aspects of this book are: 1. the mystery and suspected conspiracy surrounding the death of Elliot's mother, 2. the aliens. In all honesty, we weren't that engaged with the soccer stuff, the mystery of Elliot's mom, or the surprise villain(s), but we were enthralled with the parts that involved aliens. The mystery and potential menace of the aliens is built so well. We don't immediately see or read about the aliens. Instead, we get breadcrumbs here and there. We go from the characters finding unusual sized footprints that couldn't be human to them finding an entire abandoned alien base with an alien corpse and writing in an alien language. We are constantly on edge of what the true nature and intentions of these aliens might be. Those parts make for some thrilling reading! And then we basically get Space Jam with soccer, but ok... Anyway, one of the things that really bothered us about this book is that every single first page of every chapter is presented as text on top of the same generic space photo in black and white. Not only is this a humongous waste of ink, but it also makes it very hard for some people (like people with dyslexia, for example) to read. But going back to wasting ink with those chapter pages... that doesn't seem to fit with the message about conserving resources and protecting the environment to prevent the very climate change that led to the results in this book. So, it is kinda ironic. It just seems so needless and unnecessary. We're adults. We just want to read the book, not look at the exact same black and white photo over and over again. You could argue that it does give a really cosmic/”spacey” feel. The font chosen fits that really well. Another issue is that we're not sure what really makes Elliot special as a character. He just seems like a generic male protagonist—a blank slate from whose eyes we see the remarkable Martian world. But Elliot was built up by promotional material as being a really compelling, interesting person with a tragic backstory (growing up without a mom) and a cool arc, but we're not sure if that really came across so well. Something about him is that he just doesn't seem to stand alone or be independent or self-sufficient. It always seems like his dad or some other character is there to hold his hand or tell him what to do. Maybe future books in the series can flesh him out and develop his character more. Check this out on Amazon! Score: 94+/100 (9.4+ out of 10)
Wow! We did not expect to enjoy a children's vampire-themed book this much! The thing is, this book is not just a children's vampire-themed book. It's a book for everyone who has lost or misplaced their favorite thing. That's every child who has lost a favorite toy or blanket. That's every adult who has lost their wedding ring or favorite pair of pants (you know who you are...) There's something very relatable to that. With that said, The Vampire's Missing Cape is a surprisingly pleasant and entertaining book that follows the titular vampire as he loses his favorite cape after a night of partying too hard. Yeah, that sounds familiar too! We've all been there and done that. Well, we soon learn that the cape was more than just a cosmetic piece of clothing to the vampire (ok, it's that too), but it has tremendous sentimental value to him and also completes his persona. It's strange how much this makes sense. We get numerous examples of what a Dracula-like vampire is like without his cape. He's just an overdressed guy with long teeth. It would be like a bat without wings, a kangaroo without a pouch, a fish out of water. The vampire feels naked without his cape, and it's a feeling familiar to all of us. At the same time, it's also hilarious and silly. Kids will love pointing to the pages and laughing at the vampire's hilarious thought process. The vampire is, indeed, an overthinker. His self-conscious nature will get a lot of laughs out of children and adults alike. And don't worry, despite this being a vampire book, it's still perfect for kids. There isn't any drinking, violence, or bloodshed, although the vampire does briefly worry about how/where he will get his food now that he doesn't look or feel like a vampire. At most, there's a brief instance of peril, but it's mostly lighthearted. Another thing we appreciated was the art. The art is actually not bad! Some of it is even quite impressive. For example, the illustrator accomplishes an impressive 3D effect with the bat coming out of the page, although this illustration gets reused later in the book. Also, the vampire's body language and facial expressions are captured very well. You can really tell how he feels by the way he moves and reacts to things. If there's anything that's weak about the illustrations, it's the illustrations of the children, who aren't nearly as detailed as the vampire. Oh, yeah, the writing in this book is also solid for a children's book! We loved the rhymes and overall flow of this book. All in all, we really, really enjoyed and appreciated this book for what it was. Check it out on Amazon! Score: 88/100 (8.8 out of 10)
Snoodles in Space by Steven Joseph is one of the weirdest, strangest, goofiest, silliest, most bizarre books we've ever read, yet it is also incredibly fun, lighthearted, enjoyable, and entertaining. It embraces its own weirdness. It accepts its own goofiness. It basks in its own silliness. It becomes clear from the beginning that Snoodles in Space is not your typical children's book, nor is it trying to be. This is something different, boldly and ambitiously so. It takes a certain level of boldness and creativity to craft something like this. Snoodles in Space might be described as a phonetic, word-salad or word-play book. It places special emphasis on the long “ooo” sound with words like snoodle, poodle, noodle, roodle, and zoodle. The book also makes frequent use of alliteration such as with the Prickly Peppered Purple Propulsion Powered Pickle. The book has a pretty convoluted plot with a plethora of characters, some key ones and some that seem to be around just for fun. There are really two overlapping plots: 1. There is a fierce rivalry between two entrepreneurs: Herbie Snoodleman, the inventor of the Snoodle (noodle/clean energy) and Snoodlemobiles (cars that run on noodle energy), and Sour Croodleman, the inventor of the Krautmobile (which runs on kraut or dirty energy). There is likely some social commentary about renewable/clean fuels and big oil, although it is never taken so seriously that it detracts from the light, playful tone of the book. Sour Croodleman refuses to meet, talk to, or acknowledge Herbie Snoodleman, blaming him for the downfall of his fortunes. Sour Croodleman is illustrated to resemble (and acts like) a stereotypical car salesman: sleazy and money hungry. Meanwhile, Herbie Snoodleman is portrayed as a scientist, an innovator, and a kind of philanthropist. No two people could be more different. Even so, following these two “-oodlemans” can be a bit of a headache. This problem is compounded by the fact that they have relatives with the same (or similar) names, making it somewhat of a chore to follow who is who and what is what and why is why. Don't believe us? Well, there's Sally Stroodle, Norman Noodle, Briana Brainy Broodle, and Ricky Rockadoodle. What you really need to know is that one of these is Sour Croodleman's nephew (Ricky) and Herbie Snoodleman's niece (Briana) because them setting aside the differences between the families is key. It is a little cute and interesting that, despite the differences between their patriarchs, the two families have something in common. When Sour's family finds something that doesn't go to plan, they say, “You know, this isn't rocket science." When Herbie's family finds something that doesn't go to plan, they say, “You know, this isn't brain surgery.” 2. The second key plot involves an alien race from the planet Zoodle. They have a mothership that's malfunctioning called the Zoodle Kidoodle. They also have a fleet of vacuum cleaning Star Destroyer-ish ships which are also called Zoodle Kidoodles. They have a supreme leader named Cloodle the Grand Doodle who requires brain surgery. Confusingly, we're introduced to the commander of the Zoodle Kidoodle named Evil Kidoodle, and we thought that Evil Kidoodle was the Grand Doodle (with “Evil” being a title), but Evil Kidoodle is not—in fact—the Grand Doodle, that would be Cloodle, a child/baby pharaoh-looking person whose head is cracked open like the top of a pickle jar. Anyway, the Zoodle aliens kidnap Norman Noodle and Sally Stroodle with the intention of blackmailing their families into performing brain surgery on Cloodle and repairing their ship. If you're lost, we don't blame you. Anyway, they leave a ransom note which leads to the two families setting aside their differences and going to space to confront the Zoodle aliens. They repair their leader's brain as well as the ship, but find themselves on the verge of being exploited for labor for 100 years, which they must find a plot shortcut/device to avoid. Oh, yeah, there's also the pickle energy subplot that becomes relevant at some point, perhaps proving that even the seemingly diabolical Sour Croodleman can come up with new innovations when motivated. Oh, yeah, there are also three somewhat-villainous, somewhat-irrelevant side characters among the Zoodle aliens: Doo Doo Kidoodle (an alien dog who smells like poo all the time, which becomes a strange plot device), Voodoo Kidoodle (who really doesn't do anything), and Dr. Quack Kidoodle (who really doesn't do anything). What we do admire about this book is that it takes risks (like having extraneous, unnecessary characters and characters with same-sounding names) and tackles issues like renewable energy, technology, innovation, and people setting side their differences to find common ground. All of that is important for the future of humanity, and we greatly appreciate. We also appreciate the time and effort that it must've taken Andy Case to make 60 pages of illustrations, most of which are quite good. Check this out on Amazon! |
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