Score: 94/100 (9.4 out of 10)
We loved this children's book! It truly delivers with cute, lovable animal characters, appealing art that doesn't overwhelm the senses, and a great message in teaching kids about the importance of the ecosystem. What's also amazing about this book is that it gives teachers and parents a basis on which to teach their students/children about ecosystems and the environment without being boorishly preachy. It is really up to the readers if they want to go over that or not. They can easily just enjoy the book for what it is: a cute, cheerful, fun, and beautiful work. As the title suggests, the book focuses on Chesapeake Bay in Mid-Atlantic region of the United States. It is the location of a huge, diverse, and important ecosystem that includes rockfish, otters, beavers, seahorses, snapping turtles, and various types of birds like blue herons, egrets, eagles, and osprey among other animals. All of these animals are featured with a degree of importance. They are personified with names and individual functions, wants, and needs. For example, the beavers build their beaver dams, the blue crabs “tidy up” or clean, and many of the animals love to play with each other. If there was really any constructive criticism about all of this it would be that the functions of many of the other animals in the ecosystem really isn't explained. We know it might be disturbing and maybe inappropriate to show that some of these animals actually serve as food to humans and the other animals, but it would probably hit home the point more. These animals don't just exist and they don't just play, they actually help to sustain each other and the environment. What do the otters eat and do beside play? What about the eagles and the snapping turtles? They don't just exist to look cute or cool. They do something useful, right? Maybe those questions are better left to the parent or the teacher reading this to the kids. The book is beautiful and entertaining, and perhaps that was the real point of it. We have a special soft spot for the otters and beavers. They are just such cool, cuddly, adorable creatures with so much personality in real life, and that comes across here with the beavers busy building and the otters busy being silly, playful animals. Chesapeake Bay has suffered from pollution, mostly due to humans, and the habitat is greatly being affected. Some animals like oysters are declining and so is the aquatic vegetation. These are serious issues that can be discussed around this book by parents and teachers, and it's food for thought for all readers. Heck, we did research just because of this book, and anything that raises awareness about a serious issue like this is a huge plus. Check out this tremendously cute and adorable children's book about Chesapeake Bay animals!
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Score: 94/100 (9.4 out of 10)
Now, THIS is a romance novel! It's a perfect read for women and men alike, full of enough substance, entertainment, and drama for everyone. It is even appropriate for young adults. Wow! The key to any great work of fiction is crafting great characters, and author Domenic Melillo certainly delivers! “A Major League Love” follows Luca Milano, a minor league baseball player hoping for his big break, and Samantha Jolene Jackson (more often called “Sammi Jo”), a young woman coming of age who loves the sport of baseball with a passion. It is almost impossible not to cheer for both of them, especially in the hope that they can be together. Both are generally good people, but not saints. That's key. Sammi Jo, for example, is naive, jumps to conclusions, and even plays more than one guy at once, but it's hard to blame her. She's still learning to love. Luca is socially awkward (if not inept), dense, and prioritizes his sport over any relationship—these things hurt him more than once, but it's hard to blame him. He's a dreamer, and his history of relationships has conditioned him to fear attachment. It's very relatable. The two characters are drawn together in a hilarious and unexpected way, and Luca actually ends up with Sammi Jo's sister, Savannah. Savannah isn't nearly as much of a fan of baseball as the other characters are, which is understandable. She feels it's slow and boring. We can't blame her either. Baseball is far from our favorite sport as well for those same reasons. Interestingly, we wondered for a while if Savannah might be our surprise main protagonist because she's initially portrayed as a character who might undergo a large arc—coming around to the sport because of her admiration for Luca. Savannah remains a good supporting character, especially as a loving voice of reason for Sammi Jo. However, there's no voice of reason more loving, compassionate, and true than that of Henry (their father). Henry is just the dad we all wish we'd had: a man who loves his children enough to be involved in their lives but not overly domineering. He understands that, despite his strict religious upbringing, that Sammi Jo and Savannah need to be free to make their own decisions and their own mistakes, but he's there to guide them and love them along the way. Speaking of characters, there are some great villains in this book! What's best about these villains is that they are foils for the main characters—exactly what great villains should be. For example, Bobby Curtis—Sammi Jo's boyfriend and star quarterback—is like Luca in a lot of ways. He's a promising star athlete who seemingly lives to play his sport. Both Bobby and Luca often allow their passion for their sport to eclipse the relationships in their lives. However, while Bobby becomes so narrow-minded and laser-focused that he completely, remorselessly, and cruelly blocks out Sammi Jo, Luca is haunted by the thought that his passion is coming between him and those who love him. It's this guilt and remorse that separates Luca from Bobby. It's his conscience. And, ultimately, it's Luca's conscience that makes him a likable character. On that same note, the novel's main villain, Cynthia, is the mirror-image of Sammi Jo—at least on the outside. However, she contrasts with Sammi Jo in that she's older, more mature, domineering, controlling, and manipulative. Cynthia is despicable, but she's not the devil incarnate. You can understand why she does what she does, but that doesn't make her likable in the slightest. Something about Cynthia is that she has different gears and levels just like this book. She can come across as kind and caring at some times (especially when she wants something) but can be cruel and vindictive at other times. Cynthia's defining characteristic is her controlling nature. She insists on having her way at all times, guilting and even forcing Luca to do the things that she wants to do instead of listening to him and letting him have a say or a choice. One night, she even undresses and dresses him while he's sleeping. She constantly serves as a distraction to him and, perhaps unknowingly or subconsciously, sabotages him time and time again. She fails to see past herself and her wants and needs. She wants Luca, so she's willing to do anything and everything to get him. Meanwhile, Luca and Sammi Jo have a relationship based on trust, mutual respect, and boundaries. They respect each other's space and never insist on one having to be with the other. They know that if they are ever going to be together, it needs to be a two-way street and a two-person decision. This novel is anything but straight forward. Be prepared for some twists and turns! Be prepared for the unexpected! Something happens about 3/4ths through this book that none of us saw coming, and while it didn't change how we felt about the characters, it threatened to. Another thing that's great about this book is how accessible it is. This is not a difficult read, but it's not an elementary-level read either. It's not just a baseball book, and it's not just a romance book. It has something for everyone—action, drama, suspense, and, of course, romance. Ultimately, it is beautiful to see these characters progress and change/grow as people, developing a deeper understanding of themselves and each other. Be prepared for some curve balls! Check out this great romance novel by Domenic Melillo! You'll be glad you did! Score: 87/100 (8.7 out of 10)
This novel is built on a compelling premise that leaves us hopeful for the sequel! It includes a likable and relatable protagonist and a solid villain. It is also loaded with twists, turns, and surprises that will keep you (the reader) guessing. “Grounded” is a YA paranormal murder-mystery starring teenage vagabond Penny Nicols, a girl with a Final Destination-like power that manifests itself in the form of a death raven. The raven, though indicating that someone Penny knows will die, leaves it vague as to who will die as well as how, when, and why. This is a major source of the mystery as Penny is psychologically tormented by the weight of these questions, also knowing that there is little or nothing she can do about it. Lonely, depressed, and ridden with guilt over this, Penny travels from town to town in her beat up van she calls “Godzilla” and with her cat, Ace of Spades. She eventually comes to a little town and works at a place called Rocky Grounds Coffee & Gifts, the main focus and setting for this novel, knowing upon the raven's appearance that someone will die there. It definitely sounds intriguing! Well, in all honesty, the first couple times we'd read it, we were actually rather bored. However, it's a short enough book that it can be read more than once in order to pick up more information and catch things the reader may have missed. It's like a fighting game in that sense. You play it knowing that you're going to fly through parts of it more than once, but you're expecting to unlock new things like characters and achievements. Well, the third or fourth time we read it, we actually gained a much larger appreciation for it. It eventually does pick up and become a thrilling book. The thing about it is, you have to be rather patient and allow the main characters like Penny, Janice, T.J, Terry, and Ken to develop and plant their roots in the story, knowing very well they're eventually going to be uprooted. Things are going to get shaken up. Unfortunately, until things get shaken up, the setup of the story can be rather plodding. You are along for the ride with Penny as she starts a new job and meets her new co-workers and employers. It is, sad to say, kinda as monotonous and mundane as it sounds. Again, don't worry, the whole book isn't like this, but there are times when the plot isn't dipping or rising, it's flat-lining. There is seemingly a whole chapter in which Penny is just sitting at a table eating, talking, and thinking. And the scene drags. Penny Nicols is actually a relatable and likable character. Yes, she's miserable and pessimistic, but do you blame her? The girl has felt at least partially responsible for the deaths of multiple people by the age of 18, and she's powerless to stop it. She is the common denominator in several murder investigations, and she is constantly on the run—no permanent friends or family except her cat and van. Yes, she has to personify her van in order to give it more meaning and not feel so alone. She's also overweight, a fact which several poke fun at along with her name. She's referred to as “big girl” and as “lucky Penny.” She seemingly lives off of cheap insta-noodles. That's miserable. Hold on while we heat the kettle and take out a bowl. Something we love about Penny that we didn't like about characters in similar or nearly-identical stories is that Penny is actually a good person. She actually cares and shows concern, not just a morbid curiosity about who's gonna die next. Case in point: we'd just read “Silver Knowledge” by Emilie Knight, a solid story. The premise of both stories is that the main characters have something about them that tells them that someone will die. Not until the end of Knight's book does the main character actually risk losing someone they know personally, so he has no emotional attachment to the victims whatsoever. In Hualde's book, the potential victims have adopted the MC into their group—practically into their “family.” Any of them dying would be tragic, and we get this from reading Penny's thoughts. She doesn't want any of them to die, even Ken who seems like he can be an arrogant jerk sometimes. Now, do we as readers really care about Ken, T.J. or any of the others? Probably not, sorry to say. To us, these guys are equivalent to those characters from “Clue.” If they die, they die. The only other person we really sorta care about (beside Penny and her sassy, cute, cuddly, charismatic cat) is Janice. Janice Rockland is actually a pretty good and interesting character. Not to spoil too much, but either way you choose to view Janice at the beginning and at the end of this novel, she is by far the most complex character beside Penny herself. She has layers to her. Something a good author or story writer does is use subtext. Characters should imply what they mean, not outright state it. We should be able to infer things rather than being told things. There are times when Hualde pulls this off, not just with Janice but with people like Ken, a guy we gather is actually “super rich” despite running a little store. We can infer from this that there's a lot more going on with him. Similarly, Terry's mom is also implied to be a much less cheerful person on the inside than she appears on the outside. However, most of the time, the characters are very direct, and that's apparent in the dialogue. Most of the dialogue is very simplistic and casual. It sounds like all of the characters are 13-16 years old including the adults. Over time and with practice, the author will likely be able to craft more complex and varied dialogue. Remember, no two people should sound alike. Even twins and those who grew up under the same roof will have things about the way they talk that stand out. Some people say “like” or “never mind” a lot. A person who is more nonchalant will say things like “whatever” or “who cares.” Maybe the author did do this, but it didn't stand out to us in several readings. The characters generally sound like they were written by the same person. They were, obviously, but you don't want that to be so apparent and obvious. You want polyphony. You want it to read like one person—the narrator and/or characters—is talking to another person entirely. It's not Sarah Hualde's voice the audience needs to hear, it's Penny's voice or T.C.'s voice. That helps readers to suspend their disbelief and become more engaged with the book. Imagine you went to an orchestral concert featuring only a piano. How much better could it have been if there were violins, brass instruments, woodwind instruments, and maybe even a good vocalist or a choir for a few songs? The writing in general is very, very, very simple, even for a YA book. The book is nearly barren of any paragraphs with any kind of chew or bite. It's almost all baby food. You won't find many paragraphs in here longer than three or four sentences, the elementary-level minimum. Sentences usually read something like, “I did something. I thought something about what I did. Jack did something, then Spades scurried away across the floor.” Read the book out loud to yourself. You'll find this pattern over and over and over again. It's formulaic and it's repetitive. With something like poetry, you want repetition like this. You generally want lines and sentences to be relatively around the same length with similar sounds creating a sort of beat or rhythm. With prose, you generally want more variety in those things. Yes, a huge block of text is the worst case scenario which the author avoids, but from time to time you also have to whip out the hammer if you want to land a knockout blow. It's like trying to win a dance competition with only side shuffles. It's like trying to win a fight with only left-jabs. It's not going to happen. You're going to have to throw a combo and/or a big punch from time to time—you need to craft sentences or paragraphs with greater complexity at least a few times per chapter. Otherwise, what ends up happening is you lull your audience into a state of boredom in which they start to miss information or stop caring about characters and/or the events. That's the opposite of what short lines should accomplish. Short lines indicate a frantic pace and a greater intensity. Don't waste them on things like Penny parking her van, scrubbing the floor, or making a cup of coffee. We also realize that this book is probably going through a series of edits through the Book Rescue series by Dale L. Roberts and his team. Those edits are needed. They will improve the book somewhat. There are times when we ran into lines like “The baby Janice was cooing at was a girl” or when a period inexplicably divides the actions in “He clawed his way up Jack's leg and straight to his face. Clawing as he went.” There are also lines that read poorly like “I like my beans to flirt with second crack before I dumped them into the cooling bowl.” Is this a case of wrong-word usage or two ideas that got mistakenly lumped together? We're not even sure. Something else that was a bit bothersome is the question of “What is this book actually about?” The reason we pose this question with this book is that this 120-page book is about a lot of stuff. There are a lot of “points” and little time to explore them. For one, there's the Caw Caw Monster (raven) itself. Who, what, where, when, why, and how? There are too many questions left unanswered about this thing and Penny's power. Next, there's Penny's mysterious, supposed twin sister, the source of the only really emotional part of this book. Maybe these two issues are tied together? Then, there are the other people we're supposed to care about: people like Jack, T.C., and Ken. We have the issue of dealing with disability/blindness. We have some sort of romantic angle with T.C. Later, we eventually have his podcast. We have red herrings like an accident, a break in, and a fire. We then have Janice and her... thing. We are so glad this is a series and not a standalone book, because there are way too many plot threads left hanging or that seemingly go nowhere. It's actually a very similar problem we had with “Silver Knowledge.” There are just too many “what ifs?” or “why nots?” Why can't Penny try to circumvent the grim fate she knows is coming? Why can't she confront the raven or try to thwart it? Can't she just shoot the darn bird? If she shoots it, cooks it, and eats it, will she have touch-of-death powers or something? Can she bring back Betty White? Why can't she ask the raven nicely to spare one person in exchange for another, a murderer, perhaps? How does Penny go from being the town's peon to the one going around interrogating everyone for information like she's Sherlock Holmes all of a sudden? Why doesn't Penny--knowing she's a walking harbinger of death--just try working online like it's 2020? Why doesn't she start a Patreon or an Only Fans account with pictures of her cat or something? Is the Caw Caw Monster going to find her GoFundMe page (titled something like “Please help me not have to give up my cat!!!”) and kill her donors? Are there other Caw Caw Monsters in the world? Does this Caw Caw Monster have a family? Is the Caw Caw Monster married? Does Nigeria have its own Caw Caw Monster(s)? What about Spain? France? Belgium? Is the Caw Caw Monster in Puerto Rico the same as the Caw Caw Monster in the USA, or does Puerto Rico have its own Caw Caw Monster? Can the Angel of Death bilocate? Is it omniscient? Omnipresent? Does it know what you did last summer? Does it see you when you're sleeping? Does it know when you're awake? Does it care about the state of world affairs or just about Penny and her employers? If so, why? Why isn't it instead following someone like the Pope, the Dalai Lama, the president of the USA, or the secretary general of the United Nations? It sounds like a dumb question, but it's similar to a book we read about a guy who supposedly had Satan and Be'elzebub haunting his house in Kentucky. Why? Why would the devil and his second-in-command give a crud about some guy and his KFC? Why is the Angel of Death fixated on Penny? Did her grandfather sell his soul to it in exchange for the “World's Best Coffee” or rarest Pokemon card but forgot to pay it, so now it's coming back for his family like an ex-wife owed back child support? Maybe the author addressed a few of these questions in the novel, but after multiple times reading through it, either it didn't jump out at us as significant or it was during one those times Penny was doing such things as wondering which flavor of ramen noodles she would eat that night: chicken, beef, shrimp, jalapeno, or mega-hot jalapeno w/ chili peppers. It might have been during one of those times the book was actively getting us not to pay attention like a one-note song. Having read this book multiple times, there were things left to be desired, things like more fleshed-out or compelling supporting characters, more varied dialogue and sentences in general, and answers to questions that kept popping up and punching holes in the literary universe. It also requires some editing, but in all fairness, so does this review. With all that said, this is a valiant attempt by a young and promising author. “Grounded” is a simple, easy-to-read little book with at least two compelling characters: a nominee for “Best Protagonist” and a nominee for “Best Villain.” It also includes some clever twists and turns as well as red herrings to leave the readers guessing. The author's voice—which definitely comes across in this book—is also very welcoming, friendly, and inviting. She comes across as a person we'd love to get to know and hang out with. She clearly loves animals (which we can imply from the way the cat is revered in the book) and Star Wars (from the dedication to Han Solo). The author also somehow makes this book lighthearted and carefree. Even when a character is tied down with the possibility of vivisection or someone is found to be drowned, we can almost view it in a cartoonish Tom & Jerry/Bugs Bunny-Elmer Fudd sorta way. It's not to be taken seriously. Maybe that's where we went wrong as readers. We wanted to take this seriously, and it probably wasn't intended to be. It's a Scooby Doo episode... with destitution and death. Yes, we actually do recommend this! It'd be a good read for ages 12-18. Check it out here! *Also someone named Scrubb is in this book. WARNING: This review involves sensitive subjects that may trigger some readers
Score: 85/100 (8.5 out of 10) This book by William Thon blends fantasy and historical fiction to put forward a criticism of organized religion, western imperialism, and mankind's exploitation and destruction of the environment. It can also be read as an allegory for the persecution of racial, ethnic, and religious minorities in general. That's the simple thesis of the book, but it's actually quite complicated plot-wise since it involves so many characters doing so many things. “The Cottage” features such mythological figures as Athena and Apollo from Greek mythology as well as mythical creatures like fairies, nymphs, elves, and centaurs. The story centers on Porius Saladin, a wizard primarily living during the time of the Inquisition administered by the Roman Catholic Church, as he attempts to bring persecuted people and creatures to his safe space, his magical titular cottage where they can just be themselves. Meanwhile, Porius and his ragtag crew of characters including Thomas, James, Leal, Simon, and Marcus, are antagonized by the brutal, sadistic, depraved representatives of the Catholic Church like Pope Eugene IV and Cadmus Upton. Whether you enjoy this book or not will heavily depend on your world view. You simply cannot read the story without gathering the anti-religious subtext. If you are a devout Christian, especially a Catholic, this is certainly not the book for you. If you are a practicing Muslim, Jew, Hindu, or Buddhist, this may not be the book for you either. If you want to see humanity expand and grow in population and colonize more and more territory, possibly at the expense of the Earth's climate and natural resources, then this book isn't for you. If you like drinking from your plastic bottles and eating from your plastic Tupperware whenever you darn well please, then this isn't the book for you. If you want us to “drill, baby, drill” for Alaskan oil and reopen the Keystone Pipeline at the expense of the environment but at the benefit of energy independence from Russia, Ukraine, and the Middle East, then this isn't the book for you. If you're a fan of capitalism and all things western and American, this may not be the book for you. This book can actually be frustratingly didactic—it's very loud and relentless in its preaching. This book includes more tree hugging—both physically and metaphorically—than “Stumbling Through Adulthood” by John Sheirer and “Wisdom” by Jason Merchey combined. Heck, there's about a hundred times more tree hugging in here than “Story of Tree and Cloud” by Daryl McCullough, a book that actually centers on a tree being in love! That's saying a lot. You have Greek gods cheering on Porius as he tells you in this book about the evils of plastic. We kid you not. The evils of plastic are a focus of discussion in this fantasy novel. Porius then goes on a tirade about the evil automobiles that are coming. Darn automobiles getting us from place to place faster and more efficiently! If only they didn't exist, then we could exploit such animals as horses and camels to carry us and our human junk across state lines. It's ok to have an environmentalist theme in your book and still have it be entertaining. We have “Ferngully” and “The Lorax” (both the Dr. Seuss book and the movie) which do it in an appealing and entertaining way. The problem is, this particular book seems to conflate anti-environmentalism, anti-science, extreme violence, war, racism, prejudice, division, and persecution with Christianity and western capitalism. Well... no. Just no. You don't have to be a Christian or a westerner to start a war, be racist, destroy the environment, or distrust science. China, India, and Japan—three eastern nations with an extremely small, barely-existent Christian population—are some of the leaders in greenhouse gas emissions and pollution. The book also seems to imply that everything was just fine and dandy in the world before Christianity. Was it really? So, you're implying that people never waged war on one another; the Egyptians, Assyrians, Babylonians, Persians, Macedonians, and Romans just stayed in their little lanes not causing any trouble to anyone, not conquering anyone, not torturing anyone, not raping and pillaging the cities and towns of other people? The Spartans before Christ just trained to be the most peace-loving society ever? The book seems to imply that everything would be just fine and dandy if Christianity just disappeared, and that the world would be a more peaceful, intelligent, and loving place without it. Oh, really? Pray do tell us how the totally-not-Christian governments of the CCP and USSR treated the millions who died and suffered under Mao Zedong and Joseph Stalin. Pray do tell how the totally-not-Christian Khmer Rouge under Pol Pot treated the citizens of Cambodia as they massacred about 2 million of them. Pray do tell how peaceful the totally-not-Christian Vikings and Huns were as they pillaged the countryside, raping and pillaging as they went along. Pray do tell how the purge of religion following the French Revolution under Maximilian Robespierre led to less people being decapitated, tortured, and drowned to death for their supposed religious and political beliefs. The Reign of Terror was a thing. Pray do tell how peaceful the totally-not-Christian Mongols were under Genghis Khan as they massacred any and all who would not submit to their rule (and sometimes even if they did surrender), possibly accruing a death toll rivaled only by Mao, Stalin, and Hitler. Yes, do tell us how war, violence, and evil are Christian inventions. It is simply an untrue and misleading premise. Have Christians, especially the Catholic Church, historically done terrible things in the past? Absolutely. The medieval Catholic Church was particularly rotten and wicked as it instituted such things as the Inquisition and instigated the Crusades. During the Inquisition, people were tortured and killed for the mere notion that they believed or thought differently. These tortures were especially cruel and inventive. During the Crusades, soldiers and civilians alike suffered and died, some under the impression that they would receive a free ticket into heaven if they were successful because that's what the church promised them. Objectively, the Catholic Church of the middle ages was one of the evilest organizations to ever have existed, and most shamefully it claimed to represent the will of God and Jesus while committing these acts of great evil. A true follower of Jesus would be ashamed and denounce these acts by the church. For one, Jesus encouraged people to love one another and to show compassion. The book does allude to this briefly when a character tells us about a monk named Christopher who is “thoughtful and kind like a Christian is supposed to be” (254). But this is one of the very few example of a good or decent Christian in this book. Almost all of them are despicable—to a demonic degree. The Bible tells us in the Third Commandment “Thou shall not take the Lord's name in vain.” What does that actually mean? It doesn't mean swearing using God's name like so many people think, it means misusing God's name to justify committing evil in his name. In other words, if you are parading around torturing and killing people while saying that it's in God's name as the medieval church did, you are breaking the commandments and committing a grievous sin. The Catholic Church, especially in the middle ages, committed atrocious acts of evil. And it's an absolute shame and embarrassment—a stain upon all true followers of Jesus just as ISIS and Al-Qaeda are a shame and an embarrassment to most Muslims. Most Christians don't go out harming people, and it would be antithetical to the teachings of Jesus who preached peace, love, tolerance, and forgiveness. He preached that we “turn the other cheek” when struck, and that we forgive our enemies. We know it seems like we're talking about things other than the book, but this anti-Christian/anti-religion message is strewn throughout the novel. It's at its core. Let's get back to the novel and explore how even this issue doesn't seem to be handled well. The author's objective in writing this fantasy/historical-fiction novel should be to show how evil the Catholic Church was at the time these events were taking place. The author should focus on the aspects of the Inquisition, how Jews, Muslims, and eventually scientists like Giovanni Bruno and Copernicus (during the Renaissance and Enlightenment) were persecuted. Instead, the book uncomfortably blends mythical creatures in their stead and introduces modern criticisms as the focal point. So, elves, fairies, nymphs, and apparently even gods are the ones being killed off by the Christians in this story. There are so many things about this that just seem wrong. For one, instead of focusing on the torture and killing, the author seems to want us to focus on a more modern problem in the Catholic Church: the exploitation of minors. Really? Are you going to pick a lane and stay in it, or are you just going to fire a shotgun anywhere and everywhere you can and hope one of the shots hits the target? There is so much discussion of pedophilia and sodomy in this book, and rather than being portrayed with tactful language to protect the dignity of the victims, it's instead written almost comedically in how over-the-top it is. Even the Pope gets in on it, and we have to read about him orally pleasuring himself and taking his time with each of his victims. We even have a youth rescued while tied face down with their “buttocks raised toward the sky” (274). So, what we're supposed to gather from this is that not only are the Christians the ones causing the violence and persecution, but they're also rapists and pedophiles. If you wanted to completely demonize an entire group of people in the most mustache-twirling, vaudevillian way, then what things would you claim? That they're war-mongers, murderers, rapists, and pedophiles. That's a terrible and dangerous over-simplification of a huge group of diverse people (Christians) who make up nearly one-third of the world's population. There are Brazilian and Nigerian Christians, you know? There are Christians in Ethiopia, South Korea, and Chile. Are they all war-mongers, murderers, rapists, and pedophiles? No. What percentage of them fall under these labels? What percentage of atheists and agnostics fall under these labels? One of the dangerous things about this book is that the author continuously uses the umbrella-term “Christians” to refer to all the bad guys in the book. Christians, as we discussed above, are a very diverse group of people. So, are all Christians bad? It is just Catholic Christians? Just medieval Catholic Christians? Just Catholic Christians who live west of modern-day Turkey? How do you single out this entire large group of people and label each and every single one of them (except maybe Christopher) “bad” or “evil?” On a similar note, another thing that's very troubling about this book is how homogeneous the Christians are always described. They always look the same, they dress the same, and they all wear crosses. Over and over again, when the evil Christians are around, they are described as wearing black robes and having “large wooden crosses.” This must be stated about a dozen times—that's no exaggeration, you can check. And the protagonists constantly pounce on these Christians, saving the day by killing them in glamorously-violent ways like this is a scene from the God of War games or Bioshock. It is clear from the way these parts are written that we're supposed to be cheering whenever their blood goes splattering everywhere because the Christians in this book are the bad guys. What's even more disturbing is when the heroes gather all of the crosses from these Christians and start either burning them or throwing them into rivers. These actions are glamorized, and we're supposed to be cheering along with the protagonists as they're doing this. Imagine if we wrote a novel like this where a bunch of “evil Jews” got killed by some protagonists, then their stars of David were collected and thrown into a fire or into a river? Imagine if we wrote a novel like this where a bunch of “evil Americans” got killed by some protagonists, and then the American flags were collected and burned in a fire or thrown into a river? This is highly troubling and problematic imagery. Those symbols (the crosses, stars of David, and the American flag) mean something very important to people—and most of those people aren't mustache-twirling, diabolically evil. Most of them are good people, many volunteer for charitable causes and to help people in third-world countries because they believe it's what God would want them to do. So, let's get back to the book. Is it well-written? Well, it is for the most part. The author himself reached out to us telling us that it was published before the editing process was completed. There are times when that shows. For example, there are times when character names are misspelled, sometimes on the same page. For instance, Marcus is swapped for “Markus” and “Lil” is swapped for “LeL” at points. Or did he mean Leal? There are also some wrong-word usages like "words" instead of "worlds." However, it's easy enough to read past these things. The writing is not the issue. It really isn't. Are the characters good? Yes and no. We don't have too much to say about most of them. They seem mostly in this book to be victimized and saved—further used as examples of why the church is evil. However, some of the characters are quite good. Porius, though a bit generic for a fantasy protagonist, is still a kind of beacon of hope in this novel. The Pope and Cadmus Upton are despicable villains, fulfilling their roles in that regard. Athena arguably steals the show as probably the most interesting character overall. She is capable, strong, and ridiculously beautiful. Even Porius was overshadowed by her. There are some issues with Athena though. First of all, if she is so capable and so powerful, why are they even in this mess to begin with? Why can't she just defeat the Pope and Cadmus herself? What's stopping her? Yes, Cadmus has magic or whatever and the Pope has an army, but Athena is... well, Athena. Furthermore, we have Apollo accompanying her. What's stopping these two from just solving the crisis of the novel? If the Christians just have an “imaginary godlike being in the sky” (398), and he's so "imaginary" then what are they so concerned about? And about that quote above... it reads: “I hope that most people will see that's it's all about facts and science and not an imaginary godlike being in the sky that will cure them of ills... But mortals are so impressionable and gullible.” Oh, you don't say? Do you know why this quote, which is intended to be one of the lessons of the story, is hilarious? Because the characters were literally just receiving help from Athena and Apollo—two Greek gods—who pop into the story whenever they feel like to play deus ex machina. No, these aren't two characters who just so happen to be named Athena and Apollo, the author is clear that these are intended to be the actual gods from mythology. And the characters constantly rely on them to bail them out of tight situations on their path to Elysium, all the while concluding that one day mankind should forget “godlike beings” and rely on science. And this is why you shouldn't have like 10 theses in the same story, a few of them might run into each other like they're in a demolition derby. You wouldn't play all the notes or chords at once, would you? It would sound like a train wreck. Anyway, going back to characters, as amazing and awesome as Athena and Apollo are, something that's odd is that they're portrayed like they're the most benevolent little cherub angels imaginable. They really aren't, especially if you're going by the traditional Greek myths. Yes, they were respected and revered, but they were also feared for a reason. Need we remind you that Athena punished her priestess Medusa—who was raped by Poseidon at no fault of her own—by transforming her into a hideous Gorgon that no man could look at? Need we remind you that Apollo tried to rape Daphne? And when he couldn't have her, he practically drove her to suicide by allowing her to be transformed into a laurel tree so she could escape him? One of the most famous statues of Apollo is literally him pulling Daphne by the back of the hair in an attempt to sexually assault her. Yet, here he is in this book being a cool, chill, lovable guy. And it's the same for Athena, she's just a cool, lovable lady—wouldn't hurt a fly who didn't deserve it despite the fact that she is quite literally the goddess of battle strategy, in other words an expert at figuring out how one group of people can kill another group of people. You know, for all the talk about how much more peaceful and non-warring the gods of the old world were (compared to the Christians), it's sure ironic that the Greeks had so many gods of war and war-related activities. Even Apollo is the god of archery, and that's not just archery intended for hunting animals. He quite literally wields one of the best instruments of death in Greek mythology. Also, his Oracle sure didn't seem concerned when she sent Croesus to go fight a war against the Persians only to get himself and his army destroyed. We also have the glorified story of the Trojan War, which Athena didn't seem to mind as long as she was winning it. If only warfare were an exclusively-Christian problem. If only. As early as page 39, you get told that the ancient Incas, Aztecs, Egyptians, and Chinese were somehow more enlightened than the Christians because they knew there were other worlds and other kinds of people/mythical creatures out there that needed protecting. You mean the Incans who regularly practiced the sacrifice of children? You mean the Aztecs who are world-famous for their human sacrifices—literally ripping out the hearts of victims and kicking their still-twitching bodies down the stairs? And, by the way, they deliberately fought wars (which Christians totally invented) to get more POWs to sacrifice. You mean the Egyptians who totally didn't fight wars of conquest with one another and their neighbors, and totally didn't use slave labor to build their now-famous structures? You mean the Chinese who, under their first emperor Qin Shi-Haungdi, buried alive scholars and burned their books? Darn Qin Shi-Haungdi being so Christian 200 years before Christ, killing people he disagreed with and suppressing information. It's a good thing the totally-not-Christian Communist Party of China doesn't do that, nor have they ever. The Falun Gong practitioners are totally free to practice their religion in China without fear of persecution, same as the Uyghurs (Muslims). The Buddhists—Tibetan or otherwise—were totally not suppressed and/or killed at any point in Chinese history. Do you see the problem? It's not whataboutism, it's just that fair-is-fair. If you're going to demonize an entire large and diverse group of people for their beliefs, then prop up other groups of people for their beliefs, those other groups are fair game for scrutiny and criticism as well. And that's probably the main problem with this book: it is entirely one-sided. The characters don't even stop to consider the other side. The Christians in this book are just evil, and everyone else is just good by virtue of not being Christian. And that's a problem, a huge problem. Does the book have some redeeming qualities? Yes. The nature and mythical creatures are portrayed in a very appealing and fun way. Even the sea monster they fight and kill is cool. And, of course, after they fight and kill it, being good Pagans who value nature, we get this boorishly over-the-top scene in which the characters honor and mourn it. Bud, most people who fight and kill a monster who has tried to kill them—whether they're Christian, Pagan, Hindu, or atheist—are gonna tap-dance on their corpse and celebrate the second they slay it. Anyway, back to the good stuff. This book is imaginative and inventive. The concept of a “Safe Space” in the form of a cottage is a very unique concept in a book. In all honesty, if this book hadn't been so heavy handed, preachy, and one-sided in its message, it could've been a pretty exciting and fun read. You can check it out here. Score: 84/100 (8.4 out of 10)
The latest installment from self-publishing guru and advocate Dale L. Roberts explores the topic of distributing permanently free (“permafree”) books, primarily on the Amazon shopping platform. He is able to present this information in an interesting and concise way that leaves target readers hungry and thirsting for more. And perhaps that works in both the book's favor and disfavor. On one hand, the author gets straight to the point. He tells us what permafree books are, how to get them onto Amazon using a price-matching hat trick, and how to leverage them to build your brand and/or to draw attention to your other books. Roberts walks the talk, even offering this book for free. For better or for worse, this book definitely comes across as a free book. It is, for all intents and purposes, a lead magnet. It is similar to the lead magnets you would receive from signing up to a website's newsletter, providing just enough information on a topic to wet your appetite while withholding just enough to coax you into wanting to get more from the distributor. You aren't owed a single, solitary thing when you pay nothing, so this book is technically worth infinitely more than its price tag. At the same time, it simply can't stand alone when compared to a normal book or one of the many heavy-hitting non-fiction books in this contest. The adage goes that you should “cut the fat” and exclude all unnecessary details that could detract from your work or distract from its message. They don't tell you that a little fat adds flavor to the steak—the “marbling” so to speak. So, what's missing because of this brevity are a lot of the great personal stories the author could've shared about using permafree books. Yes, he does briefly mention his own permafree book, “The 90 Day Home Workout Plan” and then that he increased his sales by 30%, but that's pretty much where the personal stories begin and end. The unfortunate thing about this is that Roberts is well known for his magnetic personality and interesting stories as seen on his Self-Publishing with Dale YouTube channel, so it just feels like a slice of Swiss cheese compared to his other works. Ultimately, this book is really only about 25 or so pages long, and these are small pages. These pages fly by like PowerPoint slides in a presentation, and before you know it, you abruptly hit the conclusion and then the “About the Author” sections. It's not just brief and concise, it's very abrupt. Abrupt is probably the best word to describe the tail-end of this book. It essentially ends with the author describing a service called “NoiseTrade” which helps you to collect subscriber e-mails in exchange for your permafree book. It was quite interesting to learn about. The author had us leaning in attentively, then the conclusion happened, and that had us thinking, “Wait, was that it? There aren't other websites or services we can use to leverage our free books?" Well, there are, but it's possible the author didn't have a partnership with any of them specifically, didn't feel comfortable having his name attached as an endorsement to these other websites/services, or simply didn't think it was necessary as Google and other search engines are available for that sort of information. Earlier in the book, you are provided a little information on mass distribution services like Draft2Digital and Smashwords. That's helpful. However, there are a few things about this chapter that are challenging. First, it doesn't seem like these two services are really relevant to permafree books specifically. They're more so here because the author believes they are good services to use as distribution channels in general. “In general” is the key phrase there. The section on these two services entirely consists of what's good or bad (pros and cons) about these services. It has little specifically to do with permafree book distribution. It's almost like saying, “So are you waiting for your Amazon package to arrive? Let me teach you about freighters. Did you know that they're some of the biggest ships ever built? Some are bigger than aircraft carriers or the Titanic! Some of them cause more pollution than others. Did you know they can carry tons and tons of goods? Maybe your Amazon package could be on one of these freighters, especially since they're a relatively inexpensive and efficient way to transport goods from one place to another.” But that doesn't answer the questions, “Where is my package and when will I get it?” Second, and probably most importantly, the reader is told about these two services being helpful for permafree books but not told how to make them free using those services. We're just told that it's possible and that it might be faster or better to do it there. We can only assume that you (an author of a permafree book) can somehow access some sort of dashboard on these two platforms, then change the price to $0.00. That's common sense, right? Well, for a newbie or someone who is digitally/technologically-challenged, it really isn't. Imagine if you were a bicyclist and some guy just gave you a motorcycle and said, “You can ride a bike, right? Drive this motorcycle, it can't be that much different.” You wouldn't know where the ignition was or how to turn on the headlights. Likewise, there aren't clear steps or instructions provided to change the prices on these two distribution platforms in the book. However, we are provided steps to change the price on the KDP platform. Is it similar? Is it the same? We don't know, but we can assume so cause the author goes right into it after talking about Draft2Digital and Smashwords. These missing details and instructions seem like miniscule complaints, but more details and instructions are to be expected with a niche book like this. Say for example you wrote a book only about the $2 US bill and nothing else. Shouldn't that book include the history of the $2 bill, who's on the $2 bill, what's happening in the art on the back of the $2 bill, why the $2 isn't nearly as popular or widely circulated as other bills, whether or not we will continue to see $2 bills in circulation or if they'll be cancelled, etc.? If you're going to write about one subject that's super-duper niche and specific, then be thorough and exhaustive about it. Compare that with the idea of writing a book about all bills and/or coins in the US currency, in that case you'd probably be a bit more brief when talking about each one because you know you have a lot of content to get through. In the grand scheme of things, this book is the equivalent to a few chapters from a much larger work. It just doesn't stand on its own. To this book's credit, it is beautifully presented, especially in terms of the formatting. It is also grammatically solid. The best thing about this book is that the author is able to speak from personal experience. He has walked the talk and paid his dues through trial and error, so when he describes his sales increasing by 30% each month, we believe him. This whole entire book is a demonstration of how “it” is done. The author tells us that a perfect permafree book should be about 10,000 words and 30 pages, well guess how long this book is? The author recommends using Draft2Digital, Smashwords, and Noisetrade, well those are services that he has used to make a living with his author business, and it's a rather successful author business, one which he makes a living on. So, what we have here is a terrific example of a lead magnet and just enough to keep you coming back to purchase and read more Dale L. Roberts content or to check out his YouTube channel! You can get this book for free on Amazon! If you're an indie-author, we highly recommend that you do! Score: 88/100 (8.8 out of 10)
This is a sweet children's book about an important subject that needs to be discussed: preventing burns and observing fire safety. It's about as important as learning to look both ways while crossing the street, wear a seat belt while riding in a car, or wearing a helmet while biking, skating, or rollerblading. It could save your child's life or prevent them from being horribly maimed. This book encourages kids to stay 5 steps away from all fires including hot stoves. That's a great rule of thumb! Think about the other rules of thumb we learned when we were younger that we still try to practice to this day like “maintain two car lengths” when behind another vehicle in case it stops suddenly or “stop, drop, and roll” when on fire or “look both ways” before crossing the street. In time, these rules of thumb can become embedded in the subconscious. This book is adorable with an important message, however it's not as well put together as we'd like to see. The illustrations are passable. They are beautiful in their own way, and there's a genuine hand-drawn, hand-colored feel to them. However, if you look closely, there are times when things just lack color or appear flat when compared to the rest of the background. For example, the dog on the cover is actually not colored fully, nor are Izzy's lips. Also, why is Izzy's mom's neck so long like on page 9? The humans are decent looking and easily distinguishable from each other, and the animals are cute. There are times when the characters or the backgrounds look wonky or warped as mentioned before. The other thing that holds this book back a little is that it's a lot to digest in 30 pages. It's dense. There's a lot going on, and a lot being said that we fear is either going to go over your child's head or make them lose interest due to confusion. For one, you're not only following Izza's story but also her puppy, Ella, and her bird, Sonu. We think we know why this was probably done: because in real life, Izza probably actually has two pets named Ella and Sonu. It just got a bit much. It would have been easier for readers if the puppy and bird didn't have names at all. Imagine if a new co-worker came up to you and started talking about “Elizabeth, Ronnie, and Sylvia” at home. You would then have to either ask them who these three people were or you'd have to assume that Elizabeth was his wife, Ronnie was his son, and Sylvia was his daughter. That, or you'd have to just pretend to care and hope he moves on to a more familiar topic. But what if Ronnie was his brother and Sylvia was his sister? What if Sylvia was a cat? But we understand that it would probably ruin the other purpose of this book as it was intended as a gift to the author's granddaughter, the real Izza. What about the whole gimmick of having an open-hand symbol mean to repeat the rule of thumb? It got kinda confusing. We weren't quite sure if we were supposed to do this every single time we saw a character with an open palm or just when we saw a specific open palm. Ultimately, it's the grandma's open palm that seems to be the trigger for most of these prompts. When you see it, you're supposed to explain to or repeat with your child to stay 5 steps away from fires. With some practice, you can get it. The text in this book is a bit much for a children's book. No, it's not long, it's just... dense and kinda flat. There are no rhymes, so it's not much fun to read. And it's a lot of telling and explaining, which is also not much fun in all honesty. Something that seems to be missing from this book is any real consequence other than the tablecloth getting wet. How much more compelling would this book have been if it had shown a character's hand or paw turning a little red from a slight burn? We know that sounds like it would be too graphic and might not be comfortable for the author to be portraying the stand-in for their granddaughter in pain, but it would punch home the message like nothing else. You could portray slightly reddened skin or a grimaced expression without it being traumatic to a kid. It doesn't have to be bloody or blistered or anything. There was a Smokey the Bear book we read a while back that had a very similar subject matter. It showed that when Smokey was a bear cub, he survived a fire that left his skin a little burnt. Yes, it was kinda uncomfortable to see, but it really reminded our students that forest fires or fires in general can actually be scary and can actually do damage. It was really cool seeing a review section at the end including a mini quiz. It was also cool seeing that your child can also be an award-winning burn-safety expert. This book is definitely very cute and worth sharing with your child. Check it out here! Score: 87/100 (8.7 out of 10)
Well, this is definitely a worthwhile read for anyone interested in religion, Christianity, or the life of Jesus. We have to warn you though, this isn't a typical “Christian” non-fiction book. Rather, this is a more literary reading of the Gospels and New Testament from a pseudo-scholastic point of view. This is almost comparable to a character study of someone like Gilgamesh or Achilles rather than a doctrinal Bible study on Jesus. Here's why that is: author Jonathan Dean takes a secular perspective and dares to challenge the traditionally-accepted Christian views about Jesus such as his virgin birth, his status as a Jew, his resurrection, and his fulfillment of messianic prophecy. These are typically things taken for granted by Christians and even historians as truths no matter how unbelievable they seem. While attempting to take a scientific or analytic approach to the life of Jesus, Dean nonetheless makes some outrageous claims himself. The scariest thing about these claims is that the average reader is not going to do their own due diligence and look into the information for themselves. They're just going to take Dean's word for it. They shouldn't. For example, he makes the erroneous claim that the Old Testament book of Daniel was written after the life of Jesus. Ohohoho reeeeeeaaaally? If only several copies of it weren't discovered along with the Dead Sea Scrolls dating back to the first century before Christ. If only. Not only was the book of Daniel discovered along with the Dead Sea Scrolls, but eight copies of it were found. The false statement that Daniel was written after the time of Jesus is very troubling for someone who specializes in eschatology because that would mean that all of Daniel's prophecies regarding the coming of the “son of man” at the “right-hand of God,” the 490 years (70 sevens), the rise and fall of Babylon, Persia, Alexander the Great, and Rome, and many other accurate and fulfilled prophecies would be fabrications. It is simply unfair and untrue to claim that the book of Daniel, a book owned and read by Jews before the life of Jesus, was a fabrication. Even the Wise Men of the East--yes, the random dudes with the weird names portrayed in every Christmas nativity scene ever (with a budget)--demonstrated they knew about Daniel chapter 9. They knew the king of the Jews would be born around that time. Well, how would they know? Because Daniel--surprise, surprise--was once in charge of the wise men of the Persian Empire about 450 years before. They had his records and at least some of his teachings, including Daniel 9. They would have known about Daniel's prediction as well as the decree of Artaxerxes to rebuild Solomon's Temple as well as the city and wall of Jerusalem around 450 BC. And just so you're aware, Jesus died with 7 years remaining on the doomsday clock, meaning he stopped the countdown. We'll play: if Daniel was a fabrication as the author proposes, then is Isaiah also a fabrication? What about Isaiah 53? Is that a fabrication? There were 22 copies of the book of Isaiah found with the Dead Sea Scrolls, and Isaiah was one of the first books they found in those caves. And yes, Isaiah 53 was part of it. And not only were 22 copies of Isaiah found including Isaiah 53, but the oldest copy may date back to over 350 BC! If you're not aware, Isaiah 53 accurately predicts the violent death of Jesus (in this text the “Suffering Servant”) hundreds of years before it happened. The author also makes some odd conclusions such as that the Gospel of John is a much more reliable and accurate text than the Gospels of Matthew and Luke. No, we didn't stutter. The author claims that the Gospel of John—a book supposedly written by a man who supposedly couldn't die no matter how hard the Romans tried and talked about such things as Jesus turning water into wine, feeding 5000 people, walking on water, raising a dead man, and pretty much being called God in the first section—was more reliable and accurate than the books written by a government official (tax collector) and a doctor. Wrap your head around that. Never in a million years did we ever imagine someone holding that point of view, especially someone looking at these Gospels from the analytical, scientific lens that he does. We digress, Dean supplies evidence to back up the way he feels such as the spelling and grammatical errors that the authors of Luke and Matthew make, or the fact that their GPS seems broken sometimes. It is what it is. We don't agree, but whatever, we didn't spend 100+ hours writing this book. We did spend several hours reading it. There are other strange assertions in this book. One of these is that Jesus was not actually Jewish. Um... Jesus was clearly Jewish. You could debate, as the author does, whether or not he was a “good Jew” from a religious perspective (following Jewish customs), but a Jew is a Jew just like a Hawaiian is a Hawaiian. His mom's family was actually a part of the Levitical priesthood. We know this because Elizabeth is married to the priest Zachariah, a descendant of Aaron. That's not a small deal. The family didn't migrate from Ethiopia or India or something and just suddenly adopt Judaism to get a temple job, they legit had family roots in it. Furthermore, Joseph (Jesus' stepfather) was a descendant of King David and Solomon. Matthew, who had a legal record of this, knew that. Were David and Solomon not Jewish? They were as Jewish as sushi is Japanese. But, ok... the author isn't wrong that Jesus didn't teach traditional Judaism as understood by most Jews at the time or today. He taught something which could be argued is counter to traditional Judaism—simpler and easier yet counter to it. For example, he narrowed down all of the Jewish laws (including the Ten Commandments) to just two: love God and love your neighbor—assuming the rest are eclipsed or encompassed by these two. The author also claims that Jesus didn't fast. He fasted so long that it would've killed 100% of us! The author claims that Jesus' family thought he was crazy. Um... no. Jesus' family didn't think he was crazy, he'd just been away for so long and they wanted to speak to him. The author claims that Jesus spent 3 days and 3 nights in the tomb in Matthew, a supposed contradiction with the other Gospels. Um... no. In Jewish tradition, days and nights are conflated into the same period of time. So if he even spent even a second of a day in the tomb one day, then it would count as one day. He was there on Friday night, all of Saturday, and at least some of Sunday morning. Three days. Furthermore, this isn't even Jesus actually being dead in the verse in question (Matthew 12:40), it's Jesus still alive and referencing the prophet Jonah. There's a statement that Jesus alienated the non-Jewish members of his community. Ohohooo reeeeeeaaaaaally? You mean like how he made salvation available to all of humanity including the gentiles (non-Jews)? You mean like the time he talked about the Good Samaritan, a non-Jew, who did God's will by being kind to a hurt stranger while a Levite and a priest had left him for dead? Or the time when he healed the servant of a Roman centurion? Yes, that sure sounds like Jesus alienating non-Jewish members of his community! It's like we can't go 20 pages without the author trying to pull a weasel statement out from their behind. What's extra weird about this book is that when you get to the conclusion, the conclusion really isn't a conclusion at all. First of all, it's long. It's a full-length sub-section with a completely different opinion altogether—one which surprised us granted the contrary information in the rest of the book. The author maintains the faith, yes despite the evidence he provides demonstrating the opposite. This book is very interesting. There's a discussion we're also familiar with about what's called the “Q” text. This is a hypothetical text recording the life of Jesus that was supposedly read and referenced by the Gospel writers. It's heavily research, and best of all the author doesn't insist that what he's writing is entirely true and the only way to look at things. He invites us to question and disagree with him. Check it out! Score: 94/100 (9.4 out of 10)
WOW! We didn't expect anything less than this from our former grand-prize winner in fiction, David V. Mammina! So, as usual with a David Mammina story, the characters are what elevate it to the next level. When it comes to crafting dynamic fantasy characters we love to love (and love to hate), few authors do it better than Mammina. There's just something about how he can take a protagonist like Ores and make him such an enigmatic, intriguing, heroic marvel. There's just something about how he can take an antagonist like King Garside (AKA “King @&$hole”) and make him so despicably, reprehensibly unlikable that all we want to read about is his people ganging up on him and taking turns kicking him about 100,000 times each, and yet despite all of that we are still actually able to feel bad for him at a few points! That takes so much skill to pull off! Not just any author can do that. And to top it off, of course he again needs to give us one of the hottest characters imaginable in Princess Idunessa—a warrior princess who probably smells like a combination of roses, oranges, cinnamon, pepper essence, and Pantene. And of course, like Princess Shina in “The Angels of Resistance” she's a redhead. Despite being the daughter of King @&$hole, she has a good head on her shoulders and knows how corrupt and immoral her father is. And, as we all know, good girls are the best girls, especially good girls who can kick your butt, or stab your enemy in the skull if needed. And also Lord Tamarac is kinda cool in a Michael Ironside/Danny Trejo/Benicio Del Toro sort of way. Anyway, perhaps we should run down a little more about the actual plot, most of which is uniquely told from the perspective of a bard/stage magician named Hanna, who is probably also very hot and probably has a sexy French or Irish accent. Hanna tells us that the kingdom of Dorandum exists under the tyrannical rule of King Garside, the most @$#holic, negligent, ruthless politician imaginable. There is nothing really to like about this guy other than his hot, capable daughter, Idunessa, who despite being hot and capable can't quite muster up the guts to tell her dad to go screw himself. To make matters worse, not only is King Garside good at making the lives of his people miserable by being a needless pr$#k all the time, but he is also a bit of an imperialist, spreading his @$#holerly throughout the land through phony diplomacy and conquest. So how do you stop an evil, tyrannical dictator from being an evil, tyrannical dictator? YOU CALL BATMAN, OF COURSE! Ores, the caped-crusader who lurks the darkness with some sort of magical cloaking ability, becomes known throughout Dorandum and beyond as the “Spirit Warrior.” Word spreads about his heroic adventures including, most notably, a mock assassination of the king himself which demonstrates to the kingdom that even their king isn't invincible. During these adventures, Ores encounters Idunessa and becomes somewhat infatuated with her. Think this is just going to be a story about a plucky hero taking on an evil king's evil army? THINK AGAIN! This is a David V. Mammina book, doggonit. From what we remember from reading this book like two weeks ago, a volcano erupts. And this isn't just any volcano. First of all, it's named Mt. Miuriell, implying it may have been named in honor of the hero from “Angels of Resistance” (Michael Miuriell), further implying this story exists in the same universe at a later time. Second of all, we get ourselves another BIG BAD. And this BIG BAD is like the first BIG BAD except instead of sitting on his $#@ being an $%#hole telling others how to be an $@#hole, this BIG BAD is a doer and a go-getter armed with actual magic and a freakin' lava dragon! He also probably does a hundred push ups and pull ups every morning before downing three-dozen raw dragon eggs. This big bad demonic entity is known as Infernos, because of course he is. It turns out that Infernos and King Garside have a past and a personal connection, so Infernos makes things even more personal by kidnapping Princess Idunessa. He then tells Garside that the only way Princess Idunessa can be set free instead of being skinned alive and turned into some kind of taxidermy display is if King Garside dies—either by committing suicide or being killed. Garside, being selfish and a coward, refuses to commit suicide, and he calls his most loyal lord, Tamarac, to be responsible for his personal protection. He also calls for an audience with Ores, until now considered his mortal enemy. This puts Batma—sorry, Spirit Warrior in a compromising predicament. On one hand, he and the readers already hate King Garside with a passion. On the other hand, Spirit Warrior loves Idunessa and wants to rescue her from Infernos. Also, Spirit Warrior understands that chaos, disorder, and rebellions only lead to people like Robespierre or Stalin eventually taking over because he read Animal Farm at Mordor University or something (the first non-Orc to graduate from there). Between a rock and a hard place, Spirit Warrior decides to go to confront Infernos in order to save Idunessa. So, what if anything holds this book back? Perhaps it's that the basic plot itself is a tale as old as time, and it's not even unique among the books we've read in the past few months. For example, last season we read "Era of Undying" by Emilie Knight which began almost the same way: a hero with a special power infiltrates the king's palace before shenanigans ensue. They are then recruited by the very king who antagonized them to solve a bigger problem. Even the characters Captain Tellus (from "Era of Undying") and Lord Tamarac are nearly identical in their devout loyalty to the sovereign. However, that's where the comparisons end. A good story is a good story. A well-told good story is even better! This book is full of great characters and some great twists and turns. It's also just about the perfect length. It never overstays its welcome. We highly recommend this fantasy book! Score: 94/100 (9.4 out of 10)
Woooooow! Just WOW! Well, at least that was our feeling regarding the first half of the book until it became almost insufferably, off-the-rails political for no apparent reason other than the author was probably really frustrated during 2016-2021. Do you blame him? Otherwise, this short-story collection is phenomenal! It's one of the best short-story collections we've ever read. Almost every single story in here has something interesting, exciting, and humorous in it. And what's quite special about this book is that all of these short-stories—despite being adequate stand-alones—are actually a part of the same literary universe. In other words, a lot of the major characters from each story interact with each other in some way—either directly or indirectly. Some are estranged family, some are co-workers, some are former classmates or acquaintances, others are simply strangers who run into each other out of the blue one day. Every. Single. Solitary. Story... has something special about it and/or a new layer to add on top of the other stories. To narrow it down to one “favorite” would be very difficult, but we have several that stood out to us. There's a story in here in which an elderly lady is called by an Indian “Microsoft Customer Support” scammer, then has a heart-to-heart with the scammer despite his repeated attempts to disguise his crime. We then learn that this lady is estranged from another character earlier in the book. There's a story in here which is told from a dog's perspective, and it is beyond adorable! The dog thinks and acts like you'd imagine a dog would think and act, even demonstrating Pavlov-like behavior such as knowing what the opening and closing of a door indicates is going to happen next. The dog also shares such a beautiful, loving bond with their “humans” and a humorous understanding for why they are the way that they are and act the way that they act. There's a story in here about a young minister who is encouraged to start going to the gym to get “flirted” with by women, only he's so inexperienced (in romance) and dense that he constantly misses opportunities to flirt and start a relationship with women around him who are clearly interested! It is beyond hilarious! The man is dense as a rock. There's a story in here about a boy who strives to become a man that his mom and dad can be proud of, doing man-of-the-house type things, but he's given the unenviable task of dealing with a timber problem with a seemingly broken chainsaw, causing a snowballing problem that he keeps trying to hide from his mother (who is fully aware). There's a story in here that we're encouraged to “read four times” with each time revealing more context and information. It involves a man who gets fed up with Trump and politics, so he runs four miles through a storm to and from a voting booth, eventually encountering different drivers—one (a Trump supporter) who treats him with disdain, another who treats him kindly. We then learn in another story that the driver who treated him kindly had a lot more going on in his head than what we originally thought. There's a story in here in which a woman learns she has the H1-N1 virus (“Swine flu”) so is treated differently by people she thought cared about her—being shunned, told to stay away, urged to sanitize her office and belongings so she doesn't make others sick, and worst of all having to endure the unendurable “Haha” emojis on her Facebook post persecuting her with their crossed eyes. You've just gotta feel that. Then she's led to believe she has a tumor, then cancer on top of the H1-N1 and the tone of the story changes entirely. There is a reoccurring character in here, Professor Jenn Mansfield, who becomes fascinated with a roadside banner advertisement for “Award-Winning Restrooms”--a seeming satire of both the award industry (heeeey....) in which everyone and everything can be “award-winning” and also a critique of businesses making a big deal out of their restrooms. When you have to go, you have to go! Probably the story that hit us the hardest (as writers and authors) is when a character in the future (an Amazon self-published author) is confronted by Gestapo/KGB-styled Amazon representatives/agents who literally come to her door to collect from her due to her lagging book sales. They do this gangster-style. They literally seize the last of her books that she spend years upon years working on as collateral. If you're an author on Amazon and that doesn't hit you in the feels, you have no pulse. That's GOLD! And then by about page 130 or so, the book becomes hyper-political and goes off the rails all of a sudden because the author(s) needed a Texas School Book Depository to vent their thoughts. Ooooook... fine. The book does lose some of its purity. There was a time about 129 pages into the book when the author was dead, the stories were free to breathe and live their own lives. The author's voice then starts to become oppressive. In other words, even when the character Dan (for example) is trying to rationalize the politics he sees via both social and the mainstream media, he is clearly serving as a surrogate and mouthpiece for the author's personal feelings. Incredibly stupid, absurd, and uncomfortable things start happening, and a lot of the joy of the book is lost. For example, a villain who is clearly Trump in this book kidnaps a woman named Alexis and threatens her life and family in order to have her manipulate the results of the 2016 election all while groping and molesting her. We then get—and we kid you not—a mass shooting at a college campus involving a deranged racist misogynistic Trumper named Davis who is so stupid and ignorant that he doesn't know that “Muslim” is a group of religious people and not a location. He also endlessly stalks and creeps on a female character. Yes, we've seen and know of some really crazy MAGA-hat wearing people who say and do things that boils our blood too, but 100% of the Trumpers in this book are not just evil, they are diabolically, cartoonishly, over-the-top, irredeemably evil. They are mustache-twirling, vaudevillain evil. There's not a single character on that side who we can remotely sympathize with as at least having been fooled or being coaxed into holding their beliefs. It's almost as if they're just evil, and that's the bottom line 'cause the author says so. The boy Dan eventually comes to the conclusion that as soon as Trump becomes president, he'll start World War III. So, are we going to be fair or what? This was the first administration in modern history to actually not start a war, in fact it led to the end of the 20-year war in Afghanistan and peace with North Korea by meeting with its head of state—unprecedented. It brought at least a temporary calm to the two longest military conflicts in our history (North Korea and Afghanistan) including a long period in which American soldiers were not attacked or killed. It also killed the leader of ISIS, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, and Iran's best general, Qasim Soleimani, nearly starting a war and indirectly getting a Ukrainian passenger plane shot down by the Iranians, but the point remains. It eliminated two huge threats to both us and our allies. Need we remind the world of how insanely evil ISIS/ISIL was and still is, especially as it propagated under previous administrations? They are so evil that seemingly the whole world including our own enemies and uneasy allies went to war with them! Why? Because they were sawing innocent peoples' heads off on camera, massacring Yazidis and practically anyone different from them, and threatening to bring the entire region under the umbrella of Sharia Law in which people were going to face capital and corporal punishment (including amputations without anesthesia) for anything deemed to be an offense! Meanwhile, North Korea was launching missiles in the direction of Japan and Hawaii and testing nukes for years. Iran was threatening to erase Israel off the face of the earth and from the annals of time while enriching uranium, and Soleimani was butchering any and all dissenters. At least in 2020 under Trump, we could freely protest in the streets and not fear being mowed down by machine gun fire for the most part. Yes, we got tear gassed and hit with rubber bullets and beanbags, or bludgeoned by riot shields and riot batons. That kinda thing tends to happen when you riot and start destroying things and hurting people. That wasn't the case in Iran under Soleimani in which the policy was: You dissent, you die. Soleimani also provided many of the IEDs that killed and maimed our troops in the Middle East. Are we going to be fair or what? And, most importantly in literary terms, where does this fit in with the feel-good, funny tone set by stories about the cute dog trying to understand humans, the kid trying to cut down a tree, the professor trying to wrap her head around award-winning restrooms, and the minister trying to flirt with women? It is so off-putting by comparison to the rest of the book, and it's a bit of a bummer. We're so burned out from reading these political rants already, they are so overdone at this point. Can we just get over the orange man already and stop giving him this much air-time and rent-free space in our brains? He is without his favorite megaphone (social media), out of office, depreciating in value by the day (seriously worth about $3 billion down from $4 billion), constantly shooting himself in the foot by doing such things as speaking at a Moonie event on the anniversary of 9/11, will probably be sued for the next 4+ years, and is ruining more Republican chances in elections than helping by being divisive. Just let the idea of the man burn out already. The author says it: he is not a self-made man, he was born rich. He's actually VERY self-destructive. Don't give him any more attention than he deserves, keep him out of the headlines, stop throwing fuel on his fire. But for the amazing stories throughout this text and with the shear cleverness in which they're written, this book still gets a very high 9.4/10 rating and is highly recommended! Check it out here! |
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